out of the wasteland

[usattorney]

out of the wasteland;
After Dexter Vincent's arrest, Luke finds Janet in her office at the financial crimes unit. He ought to leave this conversation to Kevin; this isn't his case and he knows Janet can work with his best friend almost as well as they work together. But this isn't about trial prep—this is the same reason he tracked her down after Whitehouse. To prepare her for the emotional road ahead.

"You shouldn't be here," he says, finding her at her desk.

"I needed something to do," Janet replies. She reaches for the cane leaning against the desk and struggles to push herself up while he shoves his hands in his pockets. When her eyes lift, she sees how dressed down he is. "Did you not go in to work today?" she asks.

"No." Luke shakes his head. "I thought I needed a day off."

He'll never say it but this is wearing on him. It takes Janet a few moments to limp her way toward him and Luke resists the urge to help her, knowing that isn't what she would want. She wants desperately to be loved and feel supported, but she's always struggled with making herself vulnerable enough to reach out. When she reaches out, she gets hurt. He hurt her, and so did Holden, and her father. The only person she loves who hasn't hurt her is Michael. And that's why Luke is here, because he knows it's going to get worse.

The thing he tried to protect her from is likely going to happen anyway.

"How are you feeling?" he asks when she's settled again, leaning up against Michael's desk. He can tell where Janet has lost some weight from stress and the lines on her face that say she's as physically tired as he is mentally worn out.

"Well," she deadpans, "I'm going to miss a lot of my dance lessons."

"You never danced with me."

"You never asked." Janet watches as Luke takes her hand in his. Both of them have spent a long time recently going over their last attempt at a relationship, and wondering how much different things would have been if the case hadn't come between them. They'll probably think about it more now that this latest development has dragged up everything again. Focusing on the happy memories to counteract the regrets, knowing he'll always be there if she gets tired of being alone but neither of them actually want her to come back. If she does, if she gives up on Holden, that'd be just another time she's been let down.

"We should talk about what happens next," he finally says. "Kevin will go over everything with you, but I want to make sure you're going to be okay. As okay as you can be."

They both understand the possibilities on the horizon. Kevin will have no choice but to call her as a witness because she's the victim. The defense may question her relationship with her father, in an attempt to demonize him and blame the shooting on any one of his list of enemies. Media coverage is a given; the rest of Vincent's crew threatening her is less likely but not out of the picture. Janet will want to sit in the gallery for the rest of the trial and Luke will offer to sit with her, if Holden isn't there. It's better than sitting at home wondering what's going on.

"They're going to go after my father, aren't they?" Janet asks.

"Probably. I don't know what kind of an attorney Vincent will hire, but the easiest defense is to present an alternative suspect by talking about all the people your father's crossed." Luke nods slightly. "They'll try to get you to disparage him, to use your credibility against him. You might have to answer questions about your breakdown."

He's hoping the defense doesn't find out about that. Not only because her scathing indictment of Jack would damage his credibility but he doesn't want any chance that she gets upset again on the stand. There were only a dozen or so witnesses and none of those people had been talking, but Luke is aware that lawyers know how to dig things up. He's done it himself more times than he can count.

"What do I say?" she replies cautiously.

"The truth." Luke moves his hands to his hips. "That your anger at him was about your personal relationship, and didn't have anything to do with work. It'll still open the door for them to ask about his conviction, but..." He trails off, knowing that the last thing she wants is to revisit that part of her life. In this case, though, it's a necessary evil compared to the man who shot her getting away with it because his lawyers are able to blame her father.

"What about my mother?"

"I doubt it." His eyes lift to her cautiously. "You're the one they want."

It sounds cruel to say but it's the truth. She's a decorated FBI agent with over a decade of near impeccable service. She's the one who took the bullets meant for Jack. Janet's word means something. After Whitehouse, after Seaton, she won't be able to stay out of court this time. Luke knows she's terrified of it, and he knows he'll do everything he can to protect her from the pain.

"Are you safe?" he asks after a long look. "Do you need anything?"

"I've got Holden." Although realistically Janet knows she can't rely on her best friend to always be there to protect her. Even though he's been very sure not to let her out of his sight unless absolutely necessary for the last three weeks. "Three locks on the front door. Panic button in the bedroom. You know I can call Michael if I need backup."

"Okay. Because we can assign you a protective detail if you need one."

"I don't think it's that bad. And I think that's something Holden would want to handle himself." Even though Holden resists the use of force, Janet can guess that the idea of him not being able to protect someone he loves would rub him the wrong way. She sighs. "My real problem's in my head."

"Come here." Luke sighs and, contrary to his own words, steps into her and gingerly wraps his arms around her. Careful to avoid touching any of Janet's healing wounds in the hug before he presses a kiss to the top of her head. "You are a beautiful, compassionate, amazing woman. This is going to be a fucking disaster but it's not going to mean you're any less of a person. I want you to hold on to that. This is about your father and this asshole, it's not about you."

After a moment, he pulls back and dares to crack a smile. "You want to play Jenga until Holden gets here?"

"You didn't."

He pulls the travel-size box out of his messenger bag. "It always manages to calm me down."

"No, it doesn't."

"Okay, it doesn't." A soft laugh. "But it helps."

Janet knows he's trying. Luke has gotten very good these past two years at trying, instead of thinking it's understood. She nods and settles herself carefully in Michael's chair while he breaks out the blocks. She's going to need him to get her through this, and for the first time, she believes he'll be there.