usattorney: (4)


you say it's never easy;
"This isn't gonna get any easier," Luke tells Janet sincerely and in that moment he doesn't much care if she hates him. He's willing to do anything it takes for her to get her life back. Right now that means pushing her so she doesn't give up on herself.

The two of them don't talk about it but Luke was instrumental in Janet being able to pass her Bureau physical and return to active duty. When she'd finished physical therapy and needed to get back into shape, he was the one who was there. Luke was in the gym three times a week anyway, always wanting to be in shape himself and channeling whatever frustrations work gave him into his workout, and he made that decision for both of them. "You're coming with me," he told her when she expressed concern about being good enough. "We're going to take care of this."

Her leg has just given out and caused her to collapse on the treadmill. Luke catches her before she goes completely down and helps her to sit down on a nearby weight bench. He can see the pain on her face and the way she's gasping for breath. Of course he's worried about her, because he loves her and he never wants to see her suffer like this. But it's because he loves her that he's willing to be the bad guy in this situation. He'd rather she direct her anger and frustration at him than tear herself down yet again thinking she can't do this. Luke has witnessed Janet's self-destructive behaviors a lot over the years, and he's kind of tired of them.

"I know," she replies between ragged breaths. "Easy for you to talk when you don't have to live like this."

"You don't either if you put in the work to fix it," he retorts without hesitation. "Yeah, it fucking hurts, Janet, but guess what? You were shot three times. It's supposed to hurt. There's no easy way around it."

"It all still hurts," she tells him. "My back still bothers me where the bullets went in. It's healed but I still feel pain. And my fucking leg is a mess. I can walk to the fridge but I still can't sleep on it and I obviously can't run."

"It's a long-term injury. It's going to take time." Luke is talking out his ass, honestly, because his only medical knowledge comes from expert witnesses he's called in various cases but he's pretty sure what Janet has been through would be called long-term and that the aches and pains are part of the healing process. "You have to keep working at it. And we're going to keep working at it." Because he's not letting her off the hook. She doesn't get to give up when he thinks she needs to be out in the field closing cases. The Janet Ford he knows is a field agent whose fight is her best quality. She needs to be physically able to take those risks.

That doesn't mean he doesn't have empathy for her. Luke follows up that emphatic statement with a gentle squeeze of her shoulder. This isn't the last time he'll pick her up off the floor or hold her while she cries because it's too much. She has his complete support as they go through this process and he's never going to tell anyone about it. But this is something he can do for her that he didn't do before. He wasn't there the first time she was shot, out of fear and his own emotional confusion, and he's attempting to do better this time. Even though they're not together anymore he still wants to show that he cares.

"Take as long as you need," he encourages. "Is there anything that's seriously hurt?" When Janet shakes her head Luke hands her his water. "Take a drink, relax, and when you're ready we'll start over again."

They do this for months until Janet's planned physical date comes up. And together with the care and support she's getting from Holden and Michael, she's able to pass the test and get certified for the field much easier than she expected. She doesn't mention who she's been meeting at the gym but she calls Luke from her car and lets him know that she's passed. "I told you, you could do it," is all he says from his desk. "Congratulations, Janet."

They don't need to talk about it. About the time he's devoted to her and the emotional moments of watching her try and fail and be vulnerable. He knows she appreciates him without her having to say it and she knows he's content to stay in the background, knowing his place in her life has been taken by somebody else. But Janet's always grateful for what Luke has done for her and years later, when he catches a bullet in the arm, he thinks back on this. His injury is nowhere near as serious and doesn't require rehab but he knows Janet wouldn't let him bitch about it either. He needs to fight the way he pushed her to fight.

"How's the arm?" she asks the first time she sees him back at work.

"It's fine," he says on reflex before remembering who he's talking to. "It's good," he says more honestly. "It hurts a lot at the end of the day but I'm taking painkillers and working on it."

Janet nods. "Don't rely too heavily on the Advil," she says, thinking about Michael and his bruised back just a few months earlier. Medication had its place but it couldn't be all they did to take care of themselves. "If you need anything, you know where to find me." Luke gives her a small smile in return knowing she'll always be there for him. But rather than say that, especially after their last conversation about him not constantly running to her, he says, "I'll be okay. You don't need to worry about me."
usattorney: (2)


i know now what shadows can see;
Anyone who knows Luke Cameron is not surprised that his last few days have been a series of meltdowns.

"How the fuck was there an unsecured firearm?!" he explodes when news of the shooting in the courthouse parking lot reaches the U.S. Attorney's Office. He has so many reasons to be livid. Once again he's finding out something important from the local news. It's a situation that should never have happened; that's the whole reason they enlisted Bryan Ritter. And for as much as he can't get along with Holden Ford, Luke's grateful the other man was there to keep Janet from having her brains splattered across the side of a car.

"We did everything we could," Bryan says, going to point out that his attention was on another person that as far as he knew also intended to kill Janet, but he doesn't get that far.

"Bullshit," Luke snaps, turning on him literally and metaphorically. "Or an off-duty FBI agent wouldn't have had to save her."

"Luke, you need to calm down," Kevin interjects firmly. There's a warning look that goes with it, that he's overstepping his boundaries again. "Getting pissed off at him isn't going to change anything."

Luke knows he's right. The important thing is that Janet is safe, and with Dexter Vincent dead and his would-be assassin in custody, Peregrine is effectively wrapped up. "There still needs to be responsibility for an unsecured firearm," he repeats, a little calmer now while he shoves his hands into his pockets just to do something with them.

"There will be, but that's the responsibility of the Metropolitan Police," Kevin retorts, looking past him at Bryan. "You need to file your incident report and then get down there to help them with their investigation." Then he looks back at Luke: "You want to go check on Janet?"

"No." Luke shakes his head. "She's going to be shaken up for a bit. She doesn't need me adding to that." He knows that's skirting very close to what Janet has never forgiven him for last time, but he knows his frustration wouldn't be good for her to be around now. If she's going through half of what he went through when someone pointed a gun at his head, she needs space and quiet to calm down.

He doesn't see her until a few days later, when her temporary restraining order is set to expire, so they're due in front of a judge to decide whether it will be made permanent. It's still weird for a serving Assistant U.S. Attorney to be representing someone as their private attorney, but luckily no one's asked him about it. Probably because everyone knows his reputation.

"How're you holding up?" he asks Janet while he holds the door into the courtroom for her. "I'm getting there," she says. "My leg's still bothering me, and I've had some more trouble sleeping, but... I'm glad to be alive."

"I know." He puts his hand on her back to assist her as they make the short walk to the prosecution table. "You still want to extend this?" he asks. "It's your decision what to do with the restraining order." Of course he wants to keep it in place, but Luke's no longer going to tell Janet what choice she should make.

She nods. "It's what's safest for me," she tells him. "What's necessary."

Luke watches her face for a moment to gauge her reaction. If there'd be any kind of sadness at her legally cutting her father out of her life. They've spent a decade being estranged but she's never officially severed ties. But there's no arguing with the evidence. The judge doesn't argue when Luke explains that Janet was nearly killed twice, five months apart, by the same person who threatened her father. It's also no surprise that Jack Ford doesn't show up for the hearing.

"Can I take you to lunch?" Luke asks as he packs up his bag once the restraining order is signed in for the next five years. "Or is there anything I can do for you?"

Janet smiles slightly. She knows what he's trying to do; he's trying to make up for not being there immediately after the shooting. But she's not upset with him this time—in her state she hadn't wanted anyone other than Holden near her anyway—and with her best friend at Quantico she's just going home to an empty apartment which is far from ideal. "Sure," she says. "If it's not getting in your way."

"You'd never get in my way." Luke chuckles. "Stop talking like that." He slings his bag onto his shoulder so he can use one arm to help her back out. "If anything, I've been an insufferable bitch all week because of you."

Janet laughs for the first time in awhile. "That I absolutely believe," she replies. If anything is true about Luke Cameron, it's his temper. His intense personality is what brought the two of them together in the first place, one flame feeding another. She may have relaxed now and found another side of herself, but she knows he's still out there fighting the fight.

He takes her to a little cafe not that far from the courthouse. He's not even sure exactly what it is, but it's casual with outdoor dining and that's what she needs right now. Just someplace they can sit and talk while Luke reaches across the table to take Janet's hand. "How are you feeling?" he says.

"Do you know the number of times you've asked me that question?" she replies with a small smile.

"I'm getting better at it." He chuckles. "But you're okay? Your father's not going to be able to see you until you're 40 at least. That's if he decides to stay in D.C." Because now that Jack is legally barred from contacting Janet, Luke wonders if there's anything left for him. He can't say he'd be bothered if the other man moved to another state.

Janet doesn't think about that possibility. She nods slowly. "Maybe this is what I need," she says. "Space away from everything that's hurt me. From my dad, from my work, from... a lot of things right now. To pick myself up and really heal this time."

Luke bites his lip before he says, "I hope that doesn't include me."

Her eyes lift to meet his. They know he's hurt her, more than a few times over their almost six-year relationship. They were never going to last but it didn't have to be as bad as it was. Looking at him now she only wishes they'd been smarter then. "I don't think so," she finally says. "I just... I might need a few days. Until I can figure out what I want and where I'm going."

He nods and squeezes her hand. "I can live with that," he says, almost more to himself. Before he looks back at her and adds, "I hope you get what you're looking for this time."

"So do I."
usattorney: (2)


want to give you back;
Luke reflexively wraps his arm around Janet as they sit together at the back of the courtroom. One could say he shouldn't have done that since she's not his girlfriend anymore. But it's an instinct, like he's protecting her knowing the man who almost killed her is going to be 20 feet away. He would beat Vincent's ass if he came anywhere near Janet, and he's definitely thought about doing it anyway.

They both shouldn't be here. Luke has too much of a temper and Janet is still traumatized from having to relive the First National shooting three weeks ago. But both of them want to show Vincent that he won't stop them. Both of them want to see him suffer the way he made her suffer—assuming that Kevin can use the notes from Holden, the two mock cross-examinations they did, and his 15 years of trial experience to break him down. Luke's got plenty of faith in his best friend, but he also has very high expectations.

"You doing okay?" he asks his ex, who hasn't said a word since they arrived in the courtroom. "I'm fine," she mutters, and he's not sure if she's being truthful or not.

Vincent's testimony makes his blood start to boil again. It's exactly the kind of insufferable bullshit he'd expect from a murder defendant—trying to deflect, saying that no one actually saw him at the crime scene, the gun may have been his but they can't prove he was the one using it, that he knew Jack Ford but so did Richard Whitehouse and a dozen other people. Since the defense's attempt to demonize Jack has failed, canceled out by Janet's testimony that he didn't get her shot, they're looking toward anyone else in his organization.

The problem is it's his organization. And Richard Whitehouse has been in prison for seven months. Luke looks down at Janet as a way of keeping his emotions steady, while Kevin tries to make up for the lack of physical evidence by using every bit of circumstantial proof like a web to circle around Vincent until it couldn't be anyone else but him.

This has to work. They need to break him, because if he's created even a sliver of reasonable doubt, this case is over.

Janet rests her head against Luke's chest and closes her eyes. She doesn't want to see what happens next. He watches Kevin like a hawk, unable to stop his prosecutor instinct from making him think about what he'd do in this situation. What Kevin should be doing. He listens as Kevin shifts from his usual cool demeanor to aggressively pushing Vincent, trying to provoke him into a reaction by playing to his ego. Now it's not about the facts—now it's about raw emotion.

With his alpha personality confronted by Kevin's alpha posturing, Vincent snaps.

"That motherfucker got what was coming to him," he retorts. "You get all up in someone else's business, you deserve to get shot."

"He was quite clearly up in your business," Kevin replies. "So did Jack Ford deserve to get shot?" It's a question he leaves open-ended, to let Vincent and the jury think on that, with a look that just dares the other man to answer. To admit that he wanted Jack dead. But Vincent can't answer as that would be confirming he had motive. The one thing he's claimed he doesn't have.

This goes on for a few more minutes. Luke watches his best friend hammer Vincent on owning the exact same gun as the murder weapon, which conveniently went missing around the same time as the shooting. That someone who claims to be so in control of his organization wouldn't lose track of a weapon like that. How in control is he really? Maybe he's never had that much control if Jack was able to step in and so easily take out a major piece of his business. Maybe he doesn't have the power.

"Fuck you," Vincent tells him. "I'll kill you and I'll come back and finish that bitch."

His defense attorney immediately moves to have the outburst stricken from the record, but Luke's not listening because he's looking at Janet. She's just heard Vincent threaten her life for the second time and she's still against him, taking a deep breath. She straightens and opens her eyes. "Fuck him," Luke urges her. "He's not gonna get to you." But that's not what Janet is concerned about. She wants to make sure Vincent sees her and sees that she's not hiding from him. Even as she's still scared and drained by what he put her through.

I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now


Court adjourns fairly quickly after that and Luke doesn't wait for the judge to formally call it off before he's escorting his ex-girlfriend out. He wants her outside before anyone can badger her with questions or ask needlessly if she's okay. He knows Bryan Ritter is a few steps behind them but he doesn't want to talk to his colleague right now. Luke wants a moment alone with Janet so she can come up for air. Literally as he watches her take a deep, slow breath that strains her chest.

He can't even say this is for certain if the judge instructs the jury to disregard Vincent's remarks, so he doesn't try to placate her with promising that this will get them a conviction. He just wants to make sure she feels safe again. Something he hasn't always been great with before.

"It's over," he says. "Don't worry about it. You've done everything you could do."

"You think he's going to try to kill me again?" Janet asks.

"You know I don't know that." Luke shakes his head. "But he's going to have to go through me to do it."

Through him, and Bryan, and Holden once the other man hears about this. Janet nods, knowing that he knows just as much as she does about what the future holds.

"I'll take you home," Luke suggests quietly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they begin a slow walk down the hall. "And if you want me to stay until Holden gets home... I can do that."

Janet doesn't answer him right away. Luke doesn't expect her to. As much as she hates her father, she's just heard someone say he deserves a bullet in the skull (something Luke would say but never to her face). She's just stared at the monster who could have ended her life and heard that he wants to try again. The man who wrecked almost everything she built for herself. Mostly, after months of physical therapy and struggling to feel useful again and even to look at herself in the mirror, she just wants this to be over.

When they're waiting for the elevator he pulls her into a hug. Luke wishes he could give her so much more than he is now. For the first time, faced with losing her the way he lost their daughter, his heart is completely open. But he knows that her home isn't with him anymore. This is all that he can do. "I love you," he whispers into her hair, so she can't hear it.

I want to give you back
I want to give you back
Somewhere out of here
usattorney: (Default)


burns you out sometimes;
"We better not offer this motherfucker a deal," Luke snaps, and he's never meant anything more in his life.

The emphasis in his voice startles both Kevin Russell and Bryan Alexander, and the two of them look at each other. Luke's not stupid; he knows that look is asking each other if they really want to deal with him. "We're not," Kevin replies, in the reassuring tone he'd use for a child. "We just want to make sure we do this absolutely right."

Luke shakes his head, hands settling on his hips. "Don't patronize me, Kevin. Don't fucking patronize me on this."

"Luke." Now the U.S. Attorney is looking right at him, and it's not an impressed look. "I've already kicked you off the fifth floor once, I'll do it again."

Dexter Vincent is taking the stand tomorrow, for God knows what reason, and this was supposed to be a conversation about how to approach it. Kevin hadn't expected to have to cross-examine him considering the length of his rap sheet, and has no idea how this plays into Vincent's defense strategy. What he does have are the lengthy notes that Holden provided them for this exact situation, and the ability to bounce ideas off two of the smartest legal minds in Washington D.C. The latter of which he's regretting at the moment.

He really should have firewalled Luke months ago. But he didn't, for the same reason Bryan hasn't dismissed him; he understands how important this case is to Luke. It might not be the right thing to do as prosecutors, but it's the right thing to do as human beings—let him do something to help. Especially when he's so damn brilliant at his job. And Luke's taken all his anger and channeled it into his own cases, chewing through trials at an impressive rate, so they can't even say he's not doing his work.

But he's going to be an asshole until the jury returns a verdict.

"Is he testifying because he knows something we don't?" Kevin asks.

"Or just because he's an arrogant son of a bitch?" Luke replies.

"You'd think his defense attorney would stop him," Kevin points out, to which his best friend shakes his head. "That's assuming he listens to his attorney. Would you want to argue with a known drug dealer?"

"You'd better do your opposition research," Bryan interjects. "Make sure he's not going to drop something about Jack Ford that we don't know. And then go over those FBI notes. He's making himself vulnerable; it doesn't matter what narrative he wants to push if we can take advantage and get him to break."

"We'd better fucking break him," Luke mutters.

Kevin glances at him again and has half a mind to tell him not to show up in court tomorrow. He's done that once, after hearing that Luke got into it with Carissa Ford, but he knows that it won't work this time. Luke wants to make sure that this cross goes exactly the way that it should. Just like Janet wants to be there, as much as it's making her skin crawl, to show Vincent that he can't stop her. It's far from ideal but excluding them would be worse.

"Hey. I know how to do this," he says instead. "Remember that I was you before you got here. I know how to prosecute a red ball."

"I'm not saying you don't," Luke replies, his eyes lifting. "I'm saying I want to see him suffer."

He doesn't just want to win; he wants blood, and Kevin doesn't doubt that if it wouldn't jeopardize the whole case, Luke would get it. He's not afraid to get into a fight and he's been open about not caring if Vincent gets beaten up in jail. But he can't officially be anywhere near this case so the defense doesn't accuse them of misconduct, so he's trusting Kevin to get it done. Maybe not just trusting, but expecting.

"I'm going to do the best I can." Kevin sighs. "Let me go over these and you can go through what we have on Jack. Flag anything and we'll run a mock cross before lunch." So that if Luke gets bitchy again, he can blow off steam immediately afterward. Plus he knows if anyone can find something to attack with, it's Luke Cameron. He's at his best when he's on the offensive.

"How's Janet?" Bryan asks, hoping to calm him down and switch gears. "Is she going to be okay to do this tomorrow?"

"She's nervous, because of how her cross went," Luke concedes. "But she wants to be there. And she'll be with me."

"I'm going to trust you to keep her together." The U.S. Attorney nods slightly. He doesn't expect otherwise, but Janet dissolving into tears in the gallery would still be a scene that they don't need. There have already been headlines since she testified three weeks ago. Media interest has spiked since learning the heroic FBI agent shot by the vicious drug dealer is the daughter of a federal felon. "Stay in the back. Take the back door. And I shouldn't have to say this, but don't talk to anybody."

Luke chuckles. "Trust me, I'm already censoring myself."
usattorney: (Default)


truth you know we all want to hide;
Luke would have been happy never speaking to Carissa Ford. And after what he says to her when their paths cross inside the courtroom, he's fairly sure he never will again.

It's the day Kevin has been forced to put Jack Ford on the stand. Janet is gone, his best friend having kept his promise that she wouldn't have to interact with or even see her father. But for some reason, Jack's ex-wife lets herself into the mostly empty gallery, like she wants to watch the world burn. Luke is ruing the fact that he showed up too early. He gives her one glance—enough to recognize her face—but he can hear the message she leaves. Threatening her ex-husband with bodily harm if he doesn't show up because he's already "ruined our daughter."

Luke should shut up. He has a tendency to pick fights, and he gets irrational when it comes to Janet. He's aware of that shortcoming. But that comment doesn't sit right with him. Maybe it's because he knows it's something Janet would say about herself. Maybe it's because he's thinking of how she told him to fight for her on the day they broke up. But he's going to fight for her.

"Janet's not ruined," he says, loud enough to be heard.

"Excuse me?" Carissa gives her a look. "You don't know my daughter."

"I do know your daughter. I dated her for five and a half years." Luke isn't thinking that he's just blown Janet's cover by revealing their relationship. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and stares at her mother. "She's hurt, she's not dead. She's definitely not ruined. And if you were a real mother, you'd be caring about her and not her sad excuse for a father."

Her eyes narrow and he knows he's touched a nerve. "Don't talk about my parenting," Carissa warns him. "Janet is two months out of the hospital after being nearly paralyzed. If she didn't die choking on her own blood. And that's because she was with my ex-husband, so the least he can do is show up to make sure the person who did it goes to prison."

"I'm not disputing that." Luke shakes his head. "My problem is you talking about her like a defective piece of merchandise. Did you come to see her in the hospital? Have you been to a single therapy appointment? Or even called to see how she's doing? If not, then you're part of the problem."

"Janet knows I can get her anything she needs."

"That's not the point!" He surprises himself with the volume of his own voice. Maybe it's all of his frustrations at all the times he should have said things like this finally coming out. "We can get whatever help she needs. The Bureau's making sure she's taken care of. What she needs is emotional support. People to remind her she's loved and get her thinking about things other than how much pain she's in. A relationship isn't just about showing up. It's about being there emotionally."

If he had a therapist, he'd be calling them about now. Maybe he should get one. Maybe he should ask Janet for Christie's number.

Finally saying that to himself makes Luke momentarily speechless and Carissa is sizing him up. This is the first time she's ever seen him and she's not shy about judging him. Unfortunately for both of them, Luke's ego means he doesn't take it well when she says, "You know a lot about what's best for my daughter for someone she broke up with."

Now Luke knows how Holden feels. Understanding everything that went into his and Janet's break up and not wanting to talk about any of it. He finds himself twisting the Georgetown ring on his finger to keep from blurting out something he shouldn't. "It was a mutual decision," he says. "I know because I've been with her when things were difficult before."

"I'm sure you didn't cause any of that."

If Carissa was a man, Luke would deck her. But she isn't, so he just shifts his jaw and refuses to rise to the bait. "It's really not any of your business," he replies. "You need to be calling your daughter. Let the U.S. Attorney worry about Jack. Even if she doesn't want to talk to you, calling at least shows that you care."

He's absolutely sure Janet won't pick up the phone. He's just looking for a polite way out of this conversation. When she nods, Luke goes back to his seat to pick up his bag, and heads for the other door out of the courtroom. As soon as it shuts behind him, he pulls his phone out again and sends his ex-girlfriend a text.

Your mom's a bitch and your dad's a narcissist. How didn't you turn out crazy?

Making her laugh is better than making himself explode. Janet will chuckle and she'll insult him by saying something like she was crazy to date him all these years, and that's fine. He can deal with that. What he can't put up with is dealing with her mother ever again.
usattorney: (2)


i've been trying to keep my distance;
"Cameron. Do we need to have a come to Jesus moment?"

Luke jerks his head up to look at his boss. It's uncommon for Bryan Alexander to refer to him by his last name and less common for him to ask if he's okay. Usually everyone assumes Luke can handle his own shit. But that really hasn't worked out for him lately. Not when he's been sitting at someone else's desk looking like he's zoned out, and Bryan remembers the last time that happened.

"No, sir," Luke says, scrubbing his hands over his face. "I'm fine. I was just thinking."

As he straightens up he realizes absently that this is how Janet must feel. She spent so many years keeping everything inside and soldiering on, and then the walls started to crack and it all came tumbling out. He's seen how she's so much more open now and so much more vulnerable; it's both admirable and frightening, and he wonders if it's happening to him. Albeit in a severely delayed reaction.

Bryan gives him a look, but doesn't haul Luke into his office because he's not the kind of U.S. Attorney to publicly announce his subordinates' personal issues. That look is Luke's cue to get out, though, and he stops only to grab his bag before he leaves. They both know where he's going.

Janet referred to Luke as a crutch yet she doesn't know that for Luke she's the same thing. She's always been there, for more than a decade, even when they were pissed at each other or buried under casework. Unlike Janet he hasn't been able to quit the addiction yet. He doesn't have anything else to take its place. There's no one that knows him better than her.

And he's been wondering if she's okay after the ordeal of testifying, and texts and a stray phone call just aren't cutting it. Plus, Kevin kicked him out of the courtroom a day ago after the argument he had with Janet's mother.

Luke is surprised to see Michael when the other man opens the door. Not that Michael isn't surprised to see him there in the middle of the afternoon. "Hey," Luke says awkwardly. "Is Janet... Is she busy?"

"I'm getting ready to take her to physical therapy," Michael explains. He still steps back to let him in because that's the polite thing to do. "Why are you here? Did something happen?"

"No, I..." He stares at the carpet as he walks in. He's still not used to talking about his feelings. "I just wanted to make sure she's still doing all right after everything. Why are you here?"

"I took over for Holden." Michael shuts the door and sizes up the U.S. Attorney. He rarely sees Luke as anything but on his game; it's a different thing to remember that he cares about either of them. "Is the trial bothering you?" he asks, wondering if that's what has him being particularly impulsive.

Luke chuckles bashfully. "Kevin told me to take the day off," he admits before getting his shit together. "It's fine as far as I know," he adds with an exhale. "I was just worried about Janet. If this time is half as bad as what she said the last one was like..."

They've both heard her tell the stories. Reporters calling her house, TV cameras following her to school, headlines denigrating her family. Janet was just a teenager then so they think she's stronger now but it's still not an experience they want her to relive. Luke takes another deep breath as his mind stops racing.

"Remember when we used to be friends?" he quips.

"Before you two ruined it by sleeping together?"

Luke chuckles. He would normally respond to that by saying that Janet had initiated sex with him, or make a smartass comment about how Michael had also slept with her. But that's the Luke Cameron of a few months ago. He doesn't see the point now. "I miss when it was so much less complicated," he admits.

"But you wouldn't take it back," Michael replies.

"No, I wouldn't."

Despite all the fights and the sort of cheating and the unexpected pregnancy there were a lot of happy moments. Had to be, Luke reasoned, if they kept on coming back to each other five fucking times. He and Janet made each other feel wanted, but also alive and like they could take on the world. He knows from his inability to find anyone else—Sandra doesn't count—that she wrecked him, probably for the better. That's what happens when you put two strong personalities together.

Michael took Janet's side every time, as he should. He was her best friend and like any sane person got very tired of her going back to him when they could never get it right. As much acrimony as ever existed between Janet and Luke, the tension between Michael and Luke was always thicker. Luke knows he's lucky that the FBI agent has never belted him and right now he wouldn't blame him for that either.

"I probably owe you an apology," Luke says. "I don't even fucking know for what anymore but after six years I'm sure I do. So can we call it even?"

"I guess we can." Michael shrugs. "We're all moving on."

After everything in the last 20 months fighting amongst themselves serves no purpose. It only makes things worse and so he's willing to let Luke off the hook to keep from anything getting more complicated. They'll never be close but they can get along. Just the fact that Luke is making a concerted effort to be around and see Janet when he doesn't have to, when it's an actual pain in the ass for him, shows the playing field has changed. He loosens his tie and glances around, just now remembering that Michael and Janet were supposed to be going somewhere.

"Can I help you with anything?" he asks.

"I have to go wake her up." Her partner pushes off the door. "If Janet says it's okay, you could come along. If you want to."

"If she wants me to." Before Luke would have just invited himself assuming she'd want his presence. "Anything's better than being in the office wondering what the hell is going on."
usattorney: (4)


stand on the edge;
Friday before trial Kevin calls Janet into the office to prep her testimony. Luke insists on being there, even though he absolutely doesn't need to, because he wants to show Janet he supports her. He wants to make her feel safe, when he knows this is all going to drag up bad memories. He left her alone before; he won't make that mistake again. So when he should be reviewing paperwork for two other cases, he's leaning up against the conference room cabinet, playing with the end of his tie.

"You're nervous," Kevin says.

"Course I'm nervous." Luke mutters. "This is huge."

Kevin doesn't try to reassure him. He knows Luke is never nervous going into a trial; his arrogance prevents the what ifs from taking hold until deliberations set in. Nothing he says is going to make any difference. Also that's the moment Janet walks in, walks being a loose term; she's limping still in visible pain, and Kevin stands from his chair to help her into another one. "Thanks for coming," he says. "Can we get you anything?"

"I didn't really have a choice," she replies, with a deadpan chuckle. "And maybe a bottle of water." When Luke reaches into the cabinet and slides one across the table, she finally looks at him. "You didn't have to be here."

"I wanted to."

"Don't you have work to be doing?"

"I don't care."

"Well, now that we have that out of the way." Kevin comments, folding his hands in his lap. "You know how this works. Do you want me to run you through your direct testimony, or just the cross-examination?"

Janet's been called as a witness in enough trials that she could testify in her sleep. She knows that Kevin has her first on his list to set the scene of the shooting—what she heard, what little she saw, how much she's suffered because of it. She has little to offer his case in evidence since she turned to shove her father to the ground when she heard the gun. The real reason for this prep session is because the defense will use her as a weapon to prove that her father deserved it, that Jack Ford has a dozen different enemies who all wanted to shoot him, that it's his fault she was put in that position. Kevin has to protect her from being manipulated in that way. From being the front page headline she was so ashamed of being 15 years ago.

"Let's just get the hard part over with," Janet tells him, already slumping in the chair.

"Okay." The Bureau Chief Assistant U.S. Attorney gives her the most imperceptible of nods. "Agent Ford, isn't it true that you have a strained relationship with your father?"

"I don't have any relationship with my father."

"Why is that?"

Janet hesitates and eyes Kevin for a moment. "Do I have to tell them why? Can I just blame it on the divorce?" she says. "Saying he got arrested opens the door for them to introduce his criminal history."

"It does, but they'll just ask why your parents divorced, so there's no real way around it." He shakes his head. "I can object on relevance, but they'll redirect by asking why you were with him. It's best to come out with it rather than giving the impression your family wants to hide."

She sighs. "My father and I have been estranged since his arrest 18 years ago."

"Agent Ford, isn't it also true that you're estranged from your father because you find his conduct reprehensible?"

"I'm estranged from my father because we're different people."

"So you have no ill feelings toward him at all?" Even saying the words, Kevin looks like he's not sure Janet won't slap him. But that's why he's doing it; to prepare her for a defense attorney who wants to provoke her into a fight.

"I don't agree with his choices, but..." She cuts herself off because she knows the defense lawyer will do the exact same thing. "What do you want me to do here?" she asks, honestly lost. All three of them know the truth. She has loathed Jack Ford for a long time, and after this latest incident, she doesn't think she'll ever forgive him. She's actually afraid to be around him.

"What makes you feel comfortable?" Kevin reaches over and squeezes Janet's arm empathetically. "You only have to answer the question. You don't have to go into details. Your personal life's not on trial here."

Janet exhales slowly. "I don't like him."

"That's good. If they keep pushing, I can raise an objection." Kevin nods encouragingly. "I don't know anything more about your father's case than what you've told me. Is there anything I should know going into the trial?"

"I can't think of anything. I'm sure you'll fight to keep from making this case about an 18-year-old felony." Janet bites her lip. "You might want to talk to the SEC and the DEA. Get his employment records with them. Counter that his arrest was one isolated incident compared to the dozens of cases he's helped close since then." She always has loved math.

There's a pause as she stares at the table, then looks between the two of them. The two U.S. Attorneys she's worked with for over a decade, who know her as well as any FBI agent. She doesn't want to ask this question but Luke and Kevin know she has to.

"You're not going to put him on the stand, are you?"

"I might have to. To establish how he came into contact with Vincent in the first place and the contents of his investigation. We know Whitehouse isn't going to testify unless someone offers him a deal." Kevin glances at Luke as the words leave his mouth, knowing Luke is a hard-ass who isn't going to cut a deal, especially not for the man who caused his and Janet's breakup. "I'll make sure you two don't have to interact with each other."

"Thanks." Janet sighs. "Is there anything else you need?"

"I'll let you know if there is. And you let me know if there's anything else I can do to make you comfortable." Kevin stands and offers her his hand to help her up. "But try to enjoy the weekend and not think about it. Get your mind off this. I'll protect you as much as I can."

"I know. I trust you, Kevin. It's everyone else I'm worried about." She leans on her cane and glances out to where Bryan Ritter is leaning against the wall. The investigator has been her shadow for a few days now and she's getting used to it.

When Kevin heads back to his office, Luke circles around the table to get the door for Janet. "What did your dad say to you before?" he asks out of some morbid curiosity.

"That he doesn't want me to spend the rest of my life hating him," she replies. "He doesn't want to be seen as the person who ruined my life. The problem is, he's exactly the person who ruined my life."

She lets Bryan guide her out of the office and back to the car. Luke lingers in the conference room doorway, watching her go. There's no way he can argue with Janet's assessment then or now. He loves her more than he'll ever love anyone, and the only thing he wants to do is make everything okay.
usattorney: (2)


a thousand little decisions;
"We need to get Janet a bodyguard." Luke announces it to Kevin over their second drink, even though the whole point of going out on the weekend was not to talk about work. He has a bad habit of not being able to stop the wheels in his brain from turning. It's the primary reason why all of his relationships have failed, except for the one with an FBI agent as dedicated as he is.

Kevin is aware of Luke's social shortcomings, among many of them, and chuckles as he sets his half-empty beer on the hood of his car. "Have you talked to Janet about that?" he asks. "She's not going to take it personally?"

"She says Holden can look after her." His best friend holds up a hand to cut off Kevin's assertion that this is about his dislike of Janet's ex-boyfriend. "I just don't feel comfortable with there not being someone who's keeping an eye on her at all times. They're both distracted taking care of her, as they should be, but somebody has to watch her back. Or his."

"You think it's that serious?"

"Do you?" Luke asks his opinion in the next look. "Vincent doesn't know Janet's alive yet, but if it gets out before you put her on the stand, she's in as much jeopardy as any other witness. Or it doesn't take a genius to know the easiest way to get to her is through him. He's the most important person in her life."

"You're sure this isn't a hint of jealousy."

"I'm sure it might be." He chuckles humorlessly and looks down. "But I'm also sure you've got a drug dealer who's in bed with at least one federal employee, a star witness who can hardly stand up, and a roommate who's trying to juggle taking care of her with chasing serial killers. Having somebody whose sole job is to run interference wouldn't be unjustified."

Kevin folds his arms across his chest and concedes the point. The Vincent trial has the potential to be huge, and Janet is vulnerable. Living with another FBI agent has her better off than most but she's not going to stay in that apartment forever. "I'll talk to our squad," he says, referring to their team of investigators. Easier to call one of their own than a DCPD cop and involve one more agency in this circus.

"Who are you gonna call?"

"Probably Bryan Ritter." Kevin watches Luke snort and snickers. "Now that's jealousy."

"That time it was."

The two men exchange another look. Kevin knows that honestly, Luke needs to be firewalled because of his emotional involvement with Janet. Even though they're not a couple and haven't been in most of a year he's still acting like they are and that's only going to make this more complicated. But Kevin can't bring himself to cut Luke off because he knows it comes from a good place. A genuine place that he hasn't seen before. The worst for Janet has brought out the best in Luke while he's finally been able to realize what he had. Even if he can't get it back.

"I should tell you to move on," he says after a moment. "But I don't think you want to."

"Nope." Luke shakes his head. "I think I'm going to stay here for a while."

He likes who he is right now. Even if it's a pain in the ass, he understands that he's a better man now than he was two years ago. He sees it every time he looks at Madeline's sonogram, the one photo of his daughter, and thinks about what could have been. He twists his Georgetown class ring on his finger and looks down the driveway. He'd go to war for Janet, but he can't, so he'll do everything else he can think of.

"How strong is your case?" he asks Kevin.

"Strong enough. It could be better, but I've also had a lot worse." Kevin leans up against his car and picks up the discarded basketball to twirl it between his fingers. "We'll get him, Luke. Don't worry about that."

"I always worry until the verdict comes in." A pause. "Right now, I'll worry about getting to the verdict." Luke cracks the barest hint of a smile, understanding that he must be a handful for his best friend at the moment. "But thank you. For understanding where I'm coming from. And for listening to me."

"That's what friends do," Kevin assures him. "And this is what U.S. Attorneys do."
usattorney: (3)


out of the wasteland;
After Dexter Vincent's arrest, Luke finds Janet in her office at the financial crimes unit. He ought to leave this conversation to Kevin; this isn't his case and he knows Janet can work with his best friend almost as well as they work together. But this isn't about trial prep—this is the same reason he tracked her down after Whitehouse. To prepare her for the emotional road ahead.

"You shouldn't be here," he says, finding her at her desk.

"I needed something to do," Janet replies. She reaches for the cane leaning against the desk and struggles to push herself up while he shoves his hands in his pockets. When her eyes lift, she sees how dressed down he is. "Did you not go in to work today?" she asks.

"No." Luke shakes his head. "I thought I needed a day off."

He'll never say it but this is wearing on him. It takes Janet a few moments to limp her way toward him and Luke resists the urge to help her, knowing that isn't what she would want. She wants desperately to be loved and feel supported, but she's always struggled with making herself vulnerable enough to reach out. When she reaches out, she gets hurt. He hurt her, and so did Holden, and her father. The only person she loves who hasn't hurt her is Michael. And that's why Luke is here, because he knows it's going to get worse.

The thing he tried to protect her from is likely going to happen anyway.

"How are you feeling?" he asks when she's settled again, leaning up against Michael's desk. He can tell where Janet has lost some weight from stress and the lines on her face that say she's as physically tired as he is mentally worn out.

"Well," she deadpans, "I'm going to miss a lot of my dance lessons."

"You never danced with me."

"You never asked." Janet watches as Luke takes her hand in his. Both of them have spent a long time recently going over their last attempt at a relationship, and wondering how much different things would have been if the case hadn't come between them. They'll probably think about it more now that this latest development has dragged up everything again. Focusing on the happy memories to counteract the regrets, knowing he'll always be there if she gets tired of being alone but neither of them actually want her to come back. If she does, if she gives up on Holden, that'd be just another time she's been let down.

"We should talk about what happens next," he finally says. "Kevin will go over everything with you, but I want to make sure you're going to be okay. As okay as you can be."

They both understand the possibilities on the horizon. Kevin will have no choice but to call her as a witness because she's the victim. The defense may question her relationship with her father, in an attempt to demonize him and blame the shooting on any one of his list of enemies. Media coverage is a given; the rest of Vincent's crew threatening her is less likely but not out of the picture. Janet will want to sit in the gallery for the rest of the trial and Luke will offer to sit with her, if Holden isn't there. It's better than sitting at home wondering what's going on.

"They're going to go after my father, aren't they?" Janet asks.

"Probably. I don't know what kind of an attorney Vincent will hire, but the easiest defense is to present an alternative suspect by talking about all the people your father's crossed." Luke nods slightly. "They'll try to get you to disparage him, to use your credibility against him. You might have to answer questions about your breakdown."

He's hoping the defense doesn't find out about that. Not only because her scathing indictment of Jack would damage his credibility but he doesn't want any chance that she gets upset again on the stand. There were only a dozen or so witnesses and none of those people had been talking, but Luke is aware that lawyers know how to dig things up. He's done it himself more times than he can count.

"What do I say?" she replies cautiously.

"The truth." Luke moves his hands to his hips. "That your anger at him was about your personal relationship, and didn't have anything to do with work. It'll still open the door for them to ask about his conviction, but..." He trails off, knowing that the last thing she wants is to revisit that part of her life. In this case, though, it's a necessary evil compared to the man who shot her getting away with it because his lawyers are able to blame her father.

"What about my mother?"

"I doubt it." His eyes lift to her cautiously. "You're the one they want."

It sounds cruel to say but it's the truth. She's a decorated FBI agent with over a decade of near impeccable service. She's the one who took the bullets meant for Jack. Janet's word means something. After Whitehouse, after Seaton, she won't be able to stay out of court this time. Luke knows she's terrified of it, and he knows he'll do everything he can to protect her from the pain.

"Are you safe?" he asks after a long look. "Do you need anything?"

"I've got Holden." Although realistically Janet knows she can't rely on her best friend to always be there to protect her. Even though he's been very sure not to let her out of his sight unless absolutely necessary for the last three weeks. "Three locks on the front door. Panic button in the bedroom. You know I can call Michael if I need backup."

"Okay. Because we can assign you a protective detail if you need one."

"I don't think it's that bad. And I think that's something Holden would want to handle himself." Even though Holden resists the use of force, Janet can guess that the idea of him not being able to protect someone he loves would rub him the wrong way. She sighs. "My real problem's in my head."

"Come here." Luke sighs and, contrary to his own words, steps into her and gingerly wraps his arms around her. Careful to avoid touching any of Janet's healing wounds in the hug before he presses a kiss to the top of her head. "You are a beautiful, compassionate, amazing woman. This is going to be a fucking disaster but it's not going to mean you're any less of a person. I want you to hold on to that. This is about your father and this asshole, it's not about you."

After a moment, he pulls back and dares to crack a smile. "You want to play Jenga until Holden gets here?"

"You didn't."

He pulls the travel-size box out of his messenger bag. "It always manages to calm me down."

"No, it doesn't."

"Okay, it doesn't." A soft laugh. "But it helps."

Janet knows he's trying. Luke has gotten very good these past two years at trying, instead of thinking it's understood. She nods and settles herself carefully in Michael's chair while he breaks out the blocks. She's going to need him to get her through this, and for the first time, she believes he'll be there.
usattorney: (2)


things don't always turn out that way;
"You have got to be fucking with me."

It's the only thing Luke can think to say when Kevin tells him that the FBI has taken out a warrant on Dexter Vincent for Janet's attempted murder. He's prosecuted enough narcotics-adjacent cases to know who Vincent is, and Kevin's second-hand explanation of why he's responsible for the shooting is enough to make Luke's blood boil. The stare he gives his best friend is bordering on homicidal.

"They're serving the warrant first thing tomorrow morning." Kevin, being six years Luke's senior and always the calmer one of the two, isn't fazed by his friend's outburst; in fact, he expected it. "Assuming he's where he ought to be, he'll be in custody before we get to the office."

"This is fucking ludicrous." Luke is still flabbergasted and hasn't sat down yet. "How did we not know Whitehouse was in bed with a drug dealer? This should have come up on discovery or in our investigation or—something. We could have leveraged him to launch a major narcotics investigation. How many people did we not arrest because we didn't know?"

"It wasn't in our investigation because it wasn't in their investigation, and they didn't have any reason to look," Kevin says gently. "Maybe you should focus on the fact that we got Janet's shooter?"

"Yeah. Of course." Luke lets out a tight breath and mentally forces himself to calm down. The most important thing is that the person who threatened his ex-girlfriend is about to be taken off the streets. "Has anyone told her yet?"

"I'm assuming Spencer called her after he hung up with me." His best friend hasn't stopped giving him that placating look. "Don't what if yourself on this. You had nothing to do with it, and you're going to have nothing to do with it." Unofficially warning him that he's not second-chairing this case, for the same reasons Luke hadn't wanted Janet near the Whitehouse trial. The conflict of interest is glaring, and Kevin won't be taking any chance that a major drug player is set free on some technicality.

Luke knows this but it still makes him shift his jaw with irritation at the idea that he can't do anything but sit and watch. "I'm gonna be in the courtroom though," he swears. "Whenever I'm not working, I'm gonna be there."

"As long as you sit in the back and shut up, I don't care." Kevin knows Luke will be working too much to show up for more than a few days so he's not that concerned about his friend fucking up his trial. He's more concerned about the wheels in Luke's brain still turning with the massive oversight that led to someone they both care about nearly dying. That's the kind of thing that can't happen again. "It's not your fault, Luke. It's not anyone's fault."

"It's got to be someone's fault."

"Narcotics and white-collar crime go hand in hand all the time. It's not that shocking."

"All the more reason we should have noticed."

"Is anything I say going to make you feel better or do you just want to feel like a bitch?" Kevin replies bluntly. He knows Luke has his moods, and if he wants to beat himself up for this anyway, then Kevin has better things to do. "I thought you should know. We're about to get the guy, we have a decent case, it's going to get better once he's in custody. The rest is all prologue as far as I'm concerned."

"Of course it is. This is where you come in." Luke chuckles and leans back in his chair. "Let me know when they actually make an arrest."

Kevin nods and walks out, leaving Luke to stare at the opposite wall of his office. He can barely reckon with the idea that everything Whitehouse caused—the end of his relationship with Janet, the public breakdown that she suffered—was just the tip of the iceberg. He feels like shit for not doing more to protect her and all the cases he could have tried. Mostly he needs to know that everything they lost was for something. He didn't give up the love of his life for one more win on his record.

"Fucking bullshit," he mutters to himself before he reaches for where he left the original case file. He's already thinking about additional charges he might be able to pursue. Every bit of blood he can draw in return makes this hurt a little less.
usattorney: (4)


don't tell me we're forgiven;
Luke tells his team that he's taking his lunch hour in the West End. He swings by a local Cuban place before he goes to Janet's apartment building, loosening his tie in the extra few moments it takes her to limp her way to the door. It's the first time he's seen her with the cane, dressed down in loose-fitting clothes to accomodate the bandages that cover the gunshot wounds.

"Hi," she says wearily, stepping back to let him inside. Luke shuts the door for her with his elbow, reflexively putting his free hand on her shoulder to steady her as she carefully makes her way back to the couch. "I'm surprised you're here alone," he admits, knowing how much she hates to be isolated. Janet sighs. "I didn't want to interrupt his work."

The words make Luke bite his tongue while he sets the take-out bag on the table and folds his suit jacket over the back of the couch. It makes him crazy that Janet always puts herself second, and no longer being her boyfriend has surprisingly freed him up to feel even more annoyed with it. As if the end of their relationship freed him up to feel things without any kind of obligation. But that also means his own feelings are a mess, like she doesn't know that considering he called her almost crying three hours ago.

"I'm sorry if this is weird." He goes with that instead as he sits beside her, resting his elbows on his knees. They both know if Holden were home, he wouldn't want him there, and that makes this all feel slightly sordid. "I just... I haven't been handling this well at all."

"I haven't either." Janet replies flatly.

"I know, which is why I didn't want to say anything about it." Luke has always been terrible about dealing with his emotions, which is why he never gets into them; he hates putting himself into any situation he can't win. Especially now it feels selfish to talk about how he's upset and scared when he knows it's a thousand times worse for her. "But I don't really have anyone else to talk to."

At least anyone he feels comfortable being vulnerable with. He could call up any one of a dozen acquaintances to drink or flirt with but that's not what Luke wants. He wants someone to get that he almost lost the woman he loves for a second time and it's fucking with him. Once is a freak accident. Twice is making this seem legitimately real.

Janet sighs. It feels odd having to comfort him when she's in so much pain but her mothering instinct makes her want to be there for him anyway. "I get it," she says, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder. "I appreciate that you still care."

"I'll always care."

There's silence as they open up the food. Luke glances at Janet, looking into her eyes to get a sense of what's going on in her head. He can see the pain, the self-loathing, the frustration that she's stuck here while the rest of the world is passing her by. He knows from their conversations before their break up that she's feeling pressure to settle down and now it feels like she's lost all her plans for the future.

"I'm thinking of retiring," she admits. Something she'd never say to Holden or Michael. "Getting out while I still can. Before something else happens."

"You can't do that." Luke shakes his head. "You wouldn't know what to do with yourself. And you're too good at what you do."

"I could go into teaching full-time. Like Chris went into administration." Janet's referencing Chris Carwell, her Academy classmate who had opted out of active duty and become the D.C. office manager after a bullet had almost hit his spine. She's been meaning to call him and ask how he made that choice, but Chris also has a wife and two kids. He's gotten married; he has a family. She hasn't gotten to either of those things. "I don't want to leave—"

"—Then don't."

"—I don't want to end up in a wheelchair. Or dead."

Luke closes his eyes, trying not to think of either outcome. He can't imagine his life without Janet in it. He met her when he was just 24 and a third-year U.S. Attorney; she's been around for all of the major accomplishments in his career, which is his life. As much as he knows she loves someone else now, he can't shut off his feelings for her.

"I'll protect you every way I can," he replies quietly. "And I know I'm not the only one." A deep breath before he adds, "We've got the TRO. That'll keep Jack away from you. Depending on how this turns out, we can apply for a permanent restraining order. I know that... doesn't take care of everything. But it's something."

He's not sure about doing it, his movement hesitant at best, but Luke reaches down and takes Janet's available hand in his. Even though they're not lovers, he wants her to know they'll always be friends. Allies. People who support each other, even when they're terrible at it. They always try.
usattorney: (2)


finding the hammer;
Two weeks later, Luke Cameron shows up unannounced and uninvited at the FBI financial crimes office. He's not there for work.

"Don't start with me," Michael Davis warns him. He knows exactly why Luke is waiting outside and he doesn't want to talk about it. He hasn't slept properly since his partner ended up in the hospital and it's wearing on him but the Assistant U.S. Attorney doesn't care about his well-being.

"It's been two weeks," Luke insists, continuing to follow Michael down the hall. "You're telling me you don't have at least one viable suspect?"

"We have lots of suspects. That's the problem," Michael retorts, going through the door into the bullpen and not bothering to hold it for Luke. "Jack Ford has a long list of enemies and they're all the kind of people who'd rather shoot you than be found."

Luke exhales tightly. He shouldn't be sticking his nose into this and he knows it. He's just come off the Whitehouse case nine months ago where he broke off his relationship with Janet because of two different conflicts of interest. Even though they're no longer a couple, his involvement in the search for her shooter could be problematic for Kevin when Peregrine goes to trial. But he's here because someone nearly killed the love of his life and he can't really take it anymore.

"Can you at least narrow it down?" he asks.

"We've got it down to a half-dozen." Michael leans up against one of the desks in the bullpen and now the frustration on his face is particularly clear. "One of them's on the FBI's most wanted list and two have outstanding warrants. It's a hard case to get evidence on, Luke. We're almost certain that somebody was following him and the shooting was their opportunity."

Luke's eyebrows lift at those words. He knows that means things were set in motion much earlier than that particular day. In some ways that makes it worse because if Janet had just listened to everyone she wouldn't have been in danger. She was the one who had made contact with Jack and set up that lunch. "How long?" he prompts, his voice tight.

"We're still trying to figure it out." The other man shakes his head. "Look, I get that you're pissed. But I'm already getting shit from Janet; I don't need it from you, too."

"What's she telling you?"

"She wants me to get a new partner."

He sighs and stares down at the floor for a moment. It doesn't surprise Luke at all that Janet is questioning whether she'll ever be fit for duty. He hasn't spoken to her since going to see her a week ago, but he knows how much pain she's in and how quick she is to dismiss herself. That's also why he's so infuriated by all this. She means the world to him, and even if she didn't, he doesn't stand for this happening on his watch. He wants someone to pay for this and it won't get off his mind until somebody does.

"I'm sorry," he tells Michael, lifting his head. "I just can't. This shouldn't have fucking happened, and whatever asshole shouldn't get away with it, and I want to put my fist into a wall every day they're still out there."

"You don't have to tell me that. Janet's my family." Michael dares to crack a joke simply to talk Luke off the edge of his own emotions. "I can understand why you two dated."

Luke laughs but it's humorless. He knows exactly why he and Janet were together for so long. They both have an all-consuming passion for justice no matter what—something that consumed their whole relationship. Now he wants that for her and he can't have it. Neither of them know how to sit on the sidelines either; Luke is going to pieces, and Michael is the one person whom he's willing to let see that.

"Just call me when you have anything," he finally says. "I need to know."

"I will." Michael nods slightly. As much as his own relationship with Luke has been frosty he'd never deny the other man that closure. "Trust me when I say we're going to bring the hammer down. But we've got to do it the right way."

He's not running any risk that this case gets blown up in court or overturned on appeal. If it even sees the inside of a courtroom. With the people they're looking at, it's possible that this ends in another act of violence. Luke doesn't want to think about that. There's too much anger inside him already. When he's alone in his car again he calls Janet. Something else he probably shouldn't do.

"How are you?"

"I'm trying."

"Good." Luke sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I just needed to talk to you," he admits, his voice cracking on the words. "I just needed to know you're here."

Janet swallows. "...Did you want to come over?"

"No," he says, hand moving to his forehead as he leans against the door of the Lexus. "You have your own life now, that doesn't involve me."

"Of course it involves you. It just doesn't involve you like that." She's never really had to comfort him before and it shows. "Holden's at work if you want to come by."

He hesitates feeling like it's not his place anymore. Luke knows very well that her roommate doesn't like him and that they've fought over him, and he doesn't want to get Janet in any more trouble. But he also knows that he's hurting, and the idea of seeing her pulls tightly at his heartstrings. He needs her, as much as he doesn't want to.

"Do you want me to bring lunch?" he asks, while wiping at his eyes.
usattorney: (2)


this is not a litigation;
Luke comes to see Janet two days after she gets out of the hospital. The only reason he holds his tongue that long is because he wants to give her time to get acclimated to her new normal. In truth, his blood's been boiling ever since he walked into George Washington University Hospital and saw her in that bed. The bruises on her face from hitting the pavement were what did it to him; Jack Ford may as well have punched her.

That's what this feels like to him—a domestic violence situation. Her father has been the direct cause of three different traumas in her life. In his line of work, they'd call that a serial offender and insist on getting him off the streets. Instead, he knows from his sources that Jack is already on a new case for the DEA while his daughter is struggling to get out of bed. Luke waits until he knows Holden isn't around, avoiding another fight with Janet's roommate because he knows he might start one with her.

"We're gonna have a conversation you're not gonna like," he says, rolling up his sleeves at the end of her bed. "It might make you hate me." Pause. "More than you already do."

"I don't hate you. I hate several things about you."

"Whatever." Luke snorts. "You need to stay the fuck away from your father. This is like a goddamn car wreck, Janet—every time you get anywhere near him, he hurts you. What happened to Adam having him arrested?"

She sighs. "I thought I could make peace with him."

"You can't make peace with a criminal narcissist."

"Not for him, for me." Janet clenches her jaw slightly as she pushes herself up on the bed before letting out a slow breath. She still can't quite take a deep one without chest pains. "I've been triggered by him since I was a teenager. I was in a great place, and I thought... I thought I could beat this and get the fear out of my head. For good."

Luke exhales. "That explains why you wanted to do it alone," he says, and watches her nod.

They've had this discussion before. She lives with a deep-seated fear of either becoming her father or his felonious reputation ruining her career. It's why Janet's integrity means so much to her and why she has to be perfect. She doesn't want any mistakes or any risks that will bring her too close to Jack's side of the line. As long as he's alive and in D.C. he will haunt her, which is why Luke has thought more than once about getting someone to have him killed.

"He is going to get you murdered," he tells Janet, slowly to emphasize every word. "He threatened your mental health and now your physical health. You could have been paralyzed or dead."

"I know that."

"Then you need to stay away from him."

Janet glances up at Luke knowing he's not saying anything she hasn't already tried. Christie had wanted her to accept her parents, so avoiding her father would mean never completing that last step of her recovery. But being hospitalized had to count as extenuating circumstances. And she didn't know if she had the emotional strength to try again; all the confidence she'd gained in the last few months from things like her promotion and her visit to Holden's parents had gone away when she woke up in the hospital. Now she's fighting just to not hate herself again.

"What do you want me to do?" she asks.

"We'll file for a TRO." Luke shakes his head. "If I can get him arrested, I will."

"Can you even represent me as a U.S. Attorney?"

"I don't care." He really doesn't. Luke cares about her too much and he's too arrogant to let any other lawyer handle her case. Maybe Kevin if there was no other choice but he doesn't want to risk anyone else fucking it up. He knows Bryan wouldn't stand in his way either.

Luke won't admit it because he's also too arrogant to give Holden credit, but he's glad that she's not living alone now. As much as he wants to punch the other man out he knows Holden won't let Jack or any of his associates or enemies get to Janet. Which is a very good thing since she can't defend herself.

"I'll get you the paperwork," he continues. "You focus on getting better and let us get revenge."

He absolutely means that word.

Luke sits back down on the bed and sees the sadness on Janet's face. He's angry; she's just trying to keep her head above water. Despite all of the drama in their relationship, there's no one he cares about more. "What are you worried about?" he asks quietly.

"That I'm not going to be okay." Janet can admit it easily. "That I won't get back to where I used to be and Holden will leave me."

"If he gives up on you, he's an idiot." Luke can't promise her that she'll be anywhere near her former self physically or emotionally. It's too early to tell. And it stings to hear her talking about someone else. But he says the only thing he can. "I'll always be here for you, Janet," he reassures her. "I know we're not together anymore, but this time you won't feel alone."

He hopes she believes him.
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