Assistant U.S. Attorney Luke Cameron

you say it's never easy;
"This isn't gonna get any easier," Luke tells Janet sincerely and in that moment he doesn't much care if she hates him. He's willing to do anything it takes for her to get her life back. Right now that means pushing her so she doesn't give up on herself.

The two of them don't talk about it but Luke was instrumental in Janet being able to pass her Bureau physical and return to active duty. When she'd finished physical therapy and needed to get back into shape, he was the one who was there. Luke was in the gym three times a week anyway, always wanting to be in shape himself and channeling whatever frustrations work gave him into his workout, and he made that decision for both of them. "You're coming with me," he told her when she expressed concern about being good enough. "We're going to take care of this."

Her leg has just given out and caused her to collapse on the treadmill. Luke catches her before she goes completely down and helps her to sit down on a nearby weight bench. He can see the pain on her face and the way she's gasping for breath. Of course he's worried about her, because he loves her and he never wants to see her suffer like this. But it's because he loves her that he's willing to be the bad guy in this situation. He'd rather she direct her anger and frustration at him than tear herself down yet again thinking she can't do this. Luke has witnessed Janet's self-destructive behaviors a lot over the years, and he's kind of tired of them.

"I know," she replies between ragged breaths. "Easy for you to talk when you don't have to live like this."

"You don't either if you put in the work to fix it," he retorts without hesitation. "Yeah, it fucking hurts, Janet, but guess what? You were shot three times. It's supposed to hurt. There's no easy way around it."

"It all still hurts," she tells him. "My back still bothers me where the bullets went in. It's healed but I still feel pain. And my fucking leg is a mess. I can walk to the fridge but I still can't sleep on it and I obviously can't run."

"It's a long-term injury. It's going to take time." Luke is talking out his ass, honestly, because his only medical knowledge comes from expert witnesses he's called in various cases but he's pretty sure what Janet has been through would be called long-term and that the aches and pains are part of the healing process. "You have to keep working at it. And we're going to keep working at it." Because he's not letting her off the hook. She doesn't get to give up when he thinks she needs to be out in the field closing cases. The Janet Ford he knows is a field agent whose fight is her best quality. She needs to be physically able to take those risks.

That doesn't mean he doesn't have empathy for her. Luke follows up that emphatic statement with a gentle squeeze of her shoulder. This isn't the last time he'll pick her up off the floor or hold her while she cries because it's too much. She has his complete support as they go through this process and he's never going to tell anyone about it. But this is something he can do for her that he didn't do before. He wasn't there the first time she was shot, out of fear and his own emotional confusion, and he's attempting to do better this time. Even though they're not together anymore he still wants to show that he cares.

"Take as long as you need," he encourages. "Is there anything that's seriously hurt?" When Janet shakes her head Luke hands her his water. "Take a drink, relax, and when you're ready we'll start over again."

They do this for months until Janet's planned physical date comes up. And together with the care and support she's getting from Holden and Michael, she's able to pass the test and get certified for the field much easier than she expected. She doesn't mention who she's been meeting at the gym but she calls Luke from her car and lets him know that she's passed. "I told you, you could do it," is all he says from his desk. "Congratulations, Janet."

They don't need to talk about it. About the time he's devoted to her and the emotional moments of watching her try and fail and be vulnerable. He knows she appreciates him without her having to say it and she knows he's content to stay in the background, knowing his place in her life has been taken by somebody else. But Janet's always grateful for what Luke has done for her and years later, when he catches a bullet in the arm, he thinks back on this. His injury is nowhere near as serious and doesn't require rehab but he knows Janet wouldn't let him bitch about it either. He needs to fight the way he pushed her to fight.

"How's the arm?" she asks the first time she sees him back at work.

"It's fine," he says on reflex before remembering who he's talking to. "It's good," he says more honestly. "It hurts a lot at the end of the day but I'm taking painkillers and working on it."

Janet nods. "Don't rely too heavily on the Advil," she says, thinking about Michael and his bruised back just a few months earlier. Medication had its place but it couldn't be all they did to take care of themselves. "If you need anything, you know where to find me." Luke gives her a small smile in return knowing she'll always be there for him. But rather than say that, especially after their last conversation about him not constantly running to her, he says, "I'll be okay. You don't need to worry about me."

want to give you back;
Luke reflexively wraps his arm around Janet as they sit together at the back of the courtroom. One could say he shouldn't have done that since she's not his girlfriend anymore. But it's an instinct, like he's protecting her knowing the man who almost killed her is going to be 20 feet away. He would beat Vincent's ass if he came anywhere near Janet, and he's definitely thought about doing it anyway.

They both shouldn't be here. Luke has too much of a temper and Janet is still traumatized from having to relive the First National shooting three weeks ago. But both of them want to show Vincent that he won't stop them. Both of them want to see him suffer the way he made her suffer—assuming that Kevin can use the notes from Holden, the two mock cross-examinations they did, and his 15 years of trial experience to break him down. Luke's got plenty of faith in his best friend, but he also has very high expectations.

"You doing okay?" he asks his ex, who hasn't said a word since they arrived in the courtroom. "I'm fine," she mutters, and he's not sure if she's being truthful or not.

Vincent's testimony makes his blood start to boil again. It's exactly the kind of insufferable bullshit he'd expect from a murder defendant—trying to deflect, saying that no one actually saw him at the crime scene, the gun may have been his but they can't prove he was the one using it, that he knew Jack Ford but so did Richard Whitehouse and a dozen other people. Since the defense's attempt to demonize Jack has failed, canceled out by Janet's testimony that he didn't get her shot, they're looking toward anyone else in his organization.

The problem is it's his organization. And Richard Whitehouse has been in prison for seven months. Luke looks down at Janet as a way of keeping his emotions steady, while Kevin tries to make up for the lack of physical evidence by using every bit of circumstantial proof like a web to circle around Vincent until it couldn't be anyone else but him.

This has to work. They need to break him, because if he's created even a sliver of reasonable doubt, this case is over.

Janet rests her head against Luke's chest and closes her eyes. She doesn't want to see what happens next. He watches Kevin like a hawk, unable to stop his prosecutor instinct from making him think about what he'd do in this situation. What Kevin should be doing. He listens as Kevin shifts from his usual cool demeanor to aggressively pushing Vincent, trying to provoke him into a reaction by playing to his ego. Now it's not about the facts—now it's about raw emotion.

With his alpha personality confronted by Kevin's alpha posturing, Vincent snaps.

"That motherfucker got what was coming to him," he retorts. "You get all up in someone else's business, you deserve to get shot."

"He was quite clearly up in your business," Kevin replies. "So did Jack Ford deserve to get shot?" It's a question he leaves open-ended, to let Vincent and the jury think on that, with a look that just dares the other man to answer. To admit that he wanted Jack dead. But Vincent can't answer as that would be confirming he had motive. The one thing he's claimed he doesn't have.

This goes on for a few more minutes. Luke watches his best friend hammer Vincent on owning the exact same gun as the murder weapon, which conveniently went missing around the same time as the shooting. That someone who claims to be so in control of his organization wouldn't lose track of a weapon like that. How in control is he really? Maybe he's never had that much control if Jack was able to step in and so easily take out a major piece of his business. Maybe he doesn't have the power.

"Fuck you," Vincent tells him. "I'll kill you and I'll come back and finish that bitch."

His defense attorney immediately moves to have the outburst stricken from the record, but Luke's not listening because he's looking at Janet. She's just heard Vincent threaten her life for the second time and she's still against him, taking a deep breath. She straightens and opens her eyes. "Fuck him," Luke urges her. "He's not gonna get to you." But that's not what Janet is concerned about. She wants to make sure Vincent sees her and sees that she's not hiding from him. Even as she's still scared and drained by what he put her through.

I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now

Court adjourns fairly quickly after that and Luke doesn't wait for the judge to formally call it off before he's escorting his ex-girlfriend out. He wants her outside before anyone can badger her with questions or ask needlessly if she's okay. He knows Bryan Ritter is a few steps behind them but he doesn't want to talk to his colleague right now. Luke wants a moment alone with Janet so she can come up for air. Literally as he watches her take a deep, slow breath that strains her chest.

He can't even say this is for certain if the judge instructs the jury to disregard Vincent's remarks, so he doesn't try to placate her with promising that this will get them a conviction. He just wants to make sure she feels safe again. Something he hasn't always been great with before.

"It's over," he says. "Don't worry about it. You've done everything you could do."

"You think he's going to try to kill me again?" Janet asks.

"You know I don't know that." Luke shakes his head. "But he's going to have to go through me to do it."

Through him, and Bryan, and Holden once the other man hears about this. Janet nods, knowing that he knows just as much as she does about what the future holds.

"I'll take you home," Luke suggests quietly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they begin a slow walk down the hall. "And if you want me to stay until Holden gets home... I can do that."

Janet doesn't answer him right away. Luke doesn't expect her to. As much as she hates her father, she's just heard someone say he deserves a bullet in the skull (something Luke would say but never to her face). She's just stared at the monster who could have ended her life and heard that he wants to try again. The man who wrecked almost everything she built for herself. Mostly, after months of physical therapy and struggling to feel useful again and even to look at herself in the mirror, she just wants this to be over.

When they're waiting for the elevator he pulls her into a hug. Luke wishes he could give her so much more than he is now. For the first time, faced with losing her the way he lost their daughter, his heart is completely open. But he knows that her home isn't with him anymore. This is all that he can do. "I love you," he whispers into her hair, so she can't hear it.

I want to give you back
I want to give you back
Somewhere out of here

truth you know we all want to hide;
Luke would have been happy never speaking to Carissa Ford. And after what he says to her when their paths cross inside the courtroom, he's fairly sure he never will again.

It's the day Kevin has been forced to put Jack Ford on the stand. Janet is gone, his best friend having kept his promise that she wouldn't have to interact with or even see her father. But for some reason, Jack's ex-wife lets herself into the mostly empty gallery, like she wants to watch the world burn. Luke is ruing the fact that he showed up too early. He gives her one glance—enough to recognize her face—but he can hear the message she leaves. Threatening her ex-husband with bodily harm if he doesn't show up because he's already "ruined our daughter."

Luke should shut up. He has a tendency to pick fights, and he gets irrational when it comes to Janet. He's aware of that shortcoming. But that comment doesn't sit right with him. Maybe it's because he knows it's something Janet would say about herself. Maybe it's because he's thinking of how she told him to fight for her on the day they broke up. But he's going to fight for her.

"Janet's not ruined," he says, loud enough to be heard.

"Excuse me?" Carissa gives her a look. "You don't know my daughter."

"I do know your daughter. I dated her for five and a half years." Luke isn't thinking that he's just blown Janet's cover by revealing their relationship. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and stares at her mother. "She's hurt, she's not dead. She's definitely not ruined. And if you were a real mother, you'd be caring about her and not her sad excuse for a father."

Her eyes narrow and he knows he's touched a nerve. "Don't talk about my parenting," Carissa warns him. "Janet is two months out of the hospital after being nearly paralyzed. If she didn't die choking on her own blood. And that's because she was with my ex-husband, so the least he can do is show up to make sure the person who did it goes to prison."

"I'm not disputing that." Luke shakes his head. "My problem is you talking about her like a defective piece of merchandise. Did you come to see her in the hospital? Have you been to a single therapy appointment? Or even called to see how she's doing? If not, then you're part of the problem."

"Janet knows I can get her anything she needs."

"That's not the point!" He surprises himself with the volume of his own voice. Maybe it's all of his frustrations at all the times he should have said things like this finally coming out. "We can get whatever help she needs. The Bureau's making sure she's taken care of. What she needs is emotional support. People to remind her she's loved and get her thinking about things other than how much pain she's in. A relationship isn't just about showing up. It's about being there emotionally."

If he had a therapist, he'd be calling them about now. Maybe he should get one. Maybe he should ask Janet for Christie's number.

Finally saying that to himself makes Luke momentarily speechless and Carissa is sizing him up. This is the first time she's ever seen him and she's not shy about judging him. Unfortunately for both of them, Luke's ego means he doesn't take it well when she says, "You know a lot about what's best for my daughter for someone she broke up with."

Now Luke knows how Holden feels. Understanding everything that went into his and Janet's break up and not wanting to talk about any of it. He finds himself twisting the Georgetown ring on his finger to keep from blurting out something he shouldn't. "It was a mutual decision," he says. "I know because I've been with her when things were difficult before."

"I'm sure you didn't cause any of that."

If Carissa was a man, Luke would deck her. But she isn't, so he just shifts his jaw and refuses to rise to the bait. "It's really not any of your business," he replies. "You need to be calling your daughter. Let the U.S. Attorney worry about Jack. Even if she doesn't want to talk to you, calling at least shows that you care."

He's absolutely sure Janet won't pick up the phone. He's just looking for a polite way out of this conversation. When she nods, Luke goes back to his seat to pick up his bag, and heads for the other door out of the courtroom. As soon as it shuts behind him, he pulls his phone out again and sends his ex-girlfriend a text.

Your mom's a bitch and your dad's a narcissist. How didn't you turn out crazy?

Making her laugh is better than making himself explode. Janet will chuckle and she'll insult him by saying something like she was crazy to date him all these years, and that's fine. He can deal with that. What he can't put up with is dealing with her mother ever again.

stand on the edge;
Friday before trial Kevin calls Janet into the office to prep her testimony. Luke insists on being there, even though he absolutely doesn't need to, because he wants to show Janet he supports her. He wants to make her feel safe, when he knows this is all going to drag up bad memories. He left her alone before; he won't make that mistake again. So when he should be reviewing paperwork for two other cases, he's leaning up against the conference room cabinet, playing with the end of his tie.

"You're nervous," Kevin says.

"Course I'm nervous." Luke mutters. "This is huge."

Kevin doesn't try to reassure him. He knows Luke is never nervous going into a trial; his arrogance prevents the what ifs from taking hold until deliberations set in. Nothing he says is going to make any difference. Also that's the moment Janet walks in, walks being a loose term; she's limping still in visible pain, and Kevin stands from his chair to help her into another one. "Thanks for coming," he says. "Can we get you anything?"

"I didn't really have a choice," she replies, with a deadpan chuckle. "And maybe a bottle of water." When Luke reaches into the cabinet and slides one across the table, she finally looks at him. "You didn't have to be here."

"I wanted to."

"Don't you have work to be doing?"

"I don't care."

"Well, now that we have that out of the way." Kevin comments, folding his hands in his lap. "You know how this works. Do you want me to run you through your direct testimony, or just the cross-examination?"

Janet's been called as a witness in enough trials that she could testify in her sleep. She knows that Kevin has her first on his list to set the scene of the shooting—what she heard, what little she saw, how much she's suffered because of it. She has little to offer his case in evidence since she turned to shove her father to the ground when she heard the gun. The real reason for this prep session is because the defense will use her as a weapon to prove that her father deserved it, that Jack Ford has a dozen different enemies who all wanted to shoot him, that it's his fault she was put in that position. Kevin has to protect her from being manipulated in that way. From being the front page headline she was so ashamed of being 15 years ago.

"Let's just get the hard part over with," Janet tells him, already slumping in the chair.

"Okay." The Bureau Chief Assistant U.S. Attorney gives her the most imperceptible of nods. "Agent Ford, isn't it true that you have a strained relationship with your father?"

"I don't have any relationship with my father."

"Why is that?"

Janet hesitates and eyes Kevin for a moment. "Do I have to tell them why? Can I just blame it on the divorce?" she says. "Saying he got arrested opens the door for them to introduce his criminal history."

"It does, but they'll just ask why your parents divorced, so there's no real way around it." He shakes his head. "I can object on relevance, but they'll redirect by asking why you were with him. It's best to come out with it rather than giving the impression your family wants to hide."

She sighs. "My father and I have been estranged since his arrest 18 years ago."

"Agent Ford, isn't it also true that you're estranged from your father because you find his conduct reprehensible?"

"I'm estranged from my father because we're different people."

"So you have no ill feelings toward him at all?" Even saying the words, Kevin looks like he's not sure Janet won't slap him. But that's why he's doing it; to prepare her for a defense attorney who wants to provoke her into a fight.

"I don't agree with his choices, but..." She cuts herself off because she knows the defense lawyer will do the exact same thing. "What do you want me to do here?" she asks, honestly lost. All three of them know the truth. She has loathed Jack Ford for a long time, and after this latest incident, she doesn't think she'll ever forgive him. She's actually afraid to be around him.

"What makes you feel comfortable?" Kevin reaches over and squeezes Janet's arm empathetically. "You only have to answer the question. You don't have to go into details. Your personal life's not on trial here."

Janet exhales slowly. "I don't like him."

"That's good. If they keep pushing, I can raise an objection." Kevin nods encouragingly. "I don't know anything more about your father's case than what you've told me. Is there anything I should know going into the trial?"

"I can't think of anything. I'm sure you'll fight to keep from making this case about an 18-year-old felony." Janet bites her lip. "You might want to talk to the SEC and the DEA. Get his employment records with them. Counter that his arrest was one isolated incident compared to the dozens of cases he's helped close since then." She always has loved math.

There's a pause as she stares at the table, then looks between the two of them. The two U.S. Attorneys she's worked with for over a decade, who know her as well as any FBI agent. She doesn't want to ask this question but Luke and Kevin know she has to.

"You're not going to put him on the stand, are you?"

"I might have to. To establish how he came into contact with Vincent in the first place and the contents of his investigation. We know Whitehouse isn't going to testify unless someone offers him a deal." Kevin glances at Luke as the words leave his mouth, knowing Luke is a hard-ass who isn't going to cut a deal, especially not for the man who caused his and Janet's breakup. "I'll make sure you two don't have to interact with each other."

"Thanks." Janet sighs. "Is there anything else you need?"

"I'll let you know if there is. And you let me know if there's anything else I can do to make you comfortable." Kevin stands and offers her his hand to help her up. "But try to enjoy the weekend and not think about it. Get your mind off this. I'll protect you as much as I can."

"I know. I trust you, Kevin. It's everyone else I'm worried about." She leans on her cane and glances out to where Bryan Ritter is leaning against the wall. The investigator has been her shadow for a few days now and she's getting used to it.

When Kevin heads back to his office, Luke circles around the table to get the door for Janet. "What did your dad say to you before?" he asks out of some morbid curiosity.

"That he doesn't want me to spend the rest of my life hating him," she replies. "He doesn't want to be seen as the person who ruined my life. The problem is, he's exactly the person who ruined my life."

She lets Bryan guide her out of the office and back to the car. Luke lingers in the conference room doorway, watching her go. There's no way he can argue with Janet's assessment then or now. He loves her more than he'll ever love anyone, and the only thing he wants to do is make everything okay.

out of the wasteland;
After Dexter Vincent's arrest, Luke finds Janet in her office at the financial crimes unit. He ought to leave this conversation to Kevin; this isn't his case and he knows Janet can work with his best friend almost as well as they work together. But this isn't about trial prep—this is the same reason he tracked her down after Whitehouse. To prepare her for the emotional road ahead.

"You shouldn't be here," he says, finding her at her desk.

"I needed something to do," Janet replies. She reaches for the cane leaning against the desk and struggles to push herself up while he shoves his hands in his pockets. When her eyes lift, she sees how dressed down he is. "Did you not go in to work today?" she asks.

"No." Luke shakes his head. "I thought I needed a day off."

He'll never say it but this is wearing on him. It takes Janet a few moments to limp her way toward him and Luke resists the urge to help her, knowing that isn't what she would want. She wants desperately to be loved and feel supported, but she's always struggled with making herself vulnerable enough to reach out. When she reaches out, she gets hurt. He hurt her, and so did Holden, and her father. The only person she loves who hasn't hurt her is Michael. And that's why Luke is here, because he knows it's going to get worse.

The thing he tried to protect her from is likely going to happen anyway.

"How are you feeling?" he asks when she's settled again, leaning up against Michael's desk. He can tell where Janet has lost some weight from stress and the lines on her face that say she's as physically tired as he is mentally worn out.

"Well," she deadpans, "I'm going to miss a lot of my dance lessons."

"You never danced with me."

"You never asked." Janet watches as Luke takes her hand in his. Both of them have spent a long time recently going over their last attempt at a relationship, and wondering how much different things would have been if the case hadn't come between them. They'll probably think about it more now that this latest development has dragged up everything again. Focusing on the happy memories to counteract the regrets, knowing he'll always be there if she gets tired of being alone but neither of them actually want her to come back. If she does, if she gives up on Holden, that'd be just another time she's been let down.

"We should talk about what happens next," he finally says. "Kevin will go over everything with you, but I want to make sure you're going to be okay. As okay as you can be."

They both understand the possibilities on the horizon. Kevin will have no choice but to call her as a witness because she's the victim. The defense may question her relationship with her father, in an attempt to demonize him and blame the shooting on any one of his list of enemies. Media coverage is a given; the rest of Vincent's crew threatening her is less likely but not out of the picture. Janet will want to sit in the gallery for the rest of the trial and Luke will offer to sit with her, if Holden isn't there. It's better than sitting at home wondering what's going on.

"They're going to go after my father, aren't they?" Janet asks.

"Probably. I don't know what kind of an attorney Vincent will hire, but the easiest defense is to present an alternative suspect by talking about all the people your father's crossed." Luke nods slightly. "They'll try to get you to disparage him, to use your credibility against him. You might have to answer questions about your breakdown."

He's hoping the defense doesn't find out about that. Not only because her scathing indictment of Jack would damage his credibility but he doesn't want any chance that she gets upset again on the stand. There were only a dozen or so witnesses and none of those people had been talking, but Luke is aware that lawyers know how to dig things up. He's done it himself more times than he can count.

"What do I say?" she replies cautiously.

"The truth." Luke moves his hands to his hips. "That your anger at him was about your personal relationship, and didn't have anything to do with work. It'll still open the door for them to ask about his conviction, but..." He trails off, knowing that the last thing she wants is to revisit that part of her life. In this case, though, it's a necessary evil compared to the man who shot her getting away with it because his lawyers are able to blame her father.

"What about my mother?"

"I doubt it." His eyes lift to her cautiously. "You're the one they want."

It sounds cruel to say but it's the truth. She's a decorated FBI agent with over a decade of near impeccable service. She's the one who took the bullets meant for Jack. Janet's word means something. After Whitehouse, after Seaton, she won't be able to stay out of court this time. Luke knows she's terrified of it, and he knows he'll do everything he can to protect her from the pain.

"Are you safe?" he asks after a long look. "Do you need anything?"

"I've got Holden." Although realistically Janet knows she can't rely on her best friend to always be there to protect her. Even though he's been very sure not to let her out of his sight unless absolutely necessary for the last three weeks. "Three locks on the front door. Panic button in the bedroom. You know I can call Michael if I need backup."

"Okay. Because we can assign you a protective detail if you need one."

"I don't think it's that bad. And I think that's something Holden would want to handle himself." Even though Holden resists the use of force, Janet can guess that the idea of him not being able to protect someone he loves would rub him the wrong way. She sighs. "My real problem's in my head."

"Come here." Luke sighs and, contrary to his own words, steps into her and gingerly wraps his arms around her. Careful to avoid touching any of Janet's healing wounds in the hug before he presses a kiss to the top of her head. "You are a beautiful, compassionate, amazing woman. This is going to be a fucking disaster but it's not going to mean you're any less of a person. I want you to hold on to that. This is about your father and this asshole, it's not about you."

After a moment, he pulls back and dares to crack a smile. "You want to play Jenga until Holden gets here?"

"You didn't."

He pulls the travel-size box out of his messenger bag. "It always manages to calm me down."

"No, it doesn't."

"Okay, it doesn't." A soft laugh. "But it helps."

Janet knows he's trying. Luke has gotten very good these past two years at trying, instead of thinking it's understood. She nods and settles herself carefully in Michael's chair while he breaks out the blocks. She's going to need him to get her through this, and for the first time, she believes he'll be there.

don't tell me we're forgiven;
Luke tells his team that he's taking his lunch hour in the West End. He swings by a local Cuban place before he goes to Janet's apartment building, loosening his tie in the extra few moments it takes her to limp her way to the door. It's the first time he's seen her with the cane, dressed down in loose-fitting clothes to accomodate the bandages that cover the gunshot wounds.

"Hi," she says wearily, stepping back to let him inside. Luke shuts the door for her with his elbow, reflexively putting his free hand on her shoulder to steady her as she carefully makes her way back to the couch. "I'm surprised you're here alone," he admits, knowing how much she hates to be isolated. Janet sighs. "I didn't want to interrupt his work."

The words make Luke bite his tongue while he sets the take-out bag on the table and folds his suit jacket over the back of the couch. It makes him crazy that Janet always puts herself second, and no longer being her boyfriend has surprisingly freed him up to feel even more annoyed with it. As if the end of their relationship freed him up to feel things without any kind of obligation. But that also means his own feelings are a mess, like she doesn't know that considering he called her almost crying three hours ago.

"I'm sorry if this is weird." He goes with that instead as he sits beside her, resting his elbows on his knees. They both know if Holden were home, he wouldn't want him there, and that makes this all feel slightly sordid. "I just... I haven't been handling this well at all."

"I haven't either." Janet replies flatly.

"I know, which is why I didn't want to say anything about it." Luke has always been terrible about dealing with his emotions, which is why he never gets into them; he hates putting himself into any situation he can't win. Especially now it feels selfish to talk about how he's upset and scared when he knows it's a thousand times worse for her. "But I don't really have anyone else to talk to."

At least anyone he feels comfortable being vulnerable with. He could call up any one of a dozen acquaintances to drink or flirt with but that's not what Luke wants. He wants someone to get that he almost lost the woman he loves for a second time and it's fucking with him. Once is a freak accident. Twice is making this seem legitimately real.

Janet sighs. It feels odd having to comfort him when she's in so much pain but her mothering instinct makes her want to be there for him anyway. "I get it," she says, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder. "I appreciate that you still care."

"I'll always care."

There's silence as they open up the food. Luke glances at Janet, looking into her eyes to get a sense of what's going on in her head. He can see the pain, the self-loathing, the frustration that she's stuck here while the rest of the world is passing her by. He knows from their conversations before their break up that she's feeling pressure to settle down and now it feels like she's lost all her plans for the future.

"I'm thinking of retiring," she admits. Something she'd never say to Holden or Michael. "Getting out while I still can. Before something else happens."

"You can't do that." Luke shakes his head. "You wouldn't know what to do with yourself. And you're too good at what you do."

"I could go into teaching full-time. Like Chris went into administration." Janet's referencing Chris Carwell, her Academy classmate who had opted out of active duty and become the D.C. office manager after a bullet had almost hit his spine. She's been meaning to call him and ask how he made that choice, but Chris also has a wife and two kids. He's gotten married; he has a family. She hasn't gotten to either of those things. "I don't want to leave—"

"—Then don't."

"—I don't want to end up in a wheelchair. Or dead."

Luke closes his eyes, trying not to think of either outcome. He can't imagine his life without Janet in it. He met her when he was just 24 and a third-year U.S. Attorney; she's been around for all of the major accomplishments in his career, which is his life. As much as he knows she loves someone else now, he can't shut off his feelings for her.

"I'll protect you every way I can," he replies quietly. "And I know I'm not the only one." A deep breath before he adds, "We've got the TRO. That'll keep Jack away from you. Depending on how this turns out, we can apply for a permanent restraining order. I know that... doesn't take care of everything. But it's something."

He's not sure about doing it, his movement hesitant at best, but Luke reaches down and takes Janet's available hand in his. Even though they're not lovers, he wants her to know they'll always be friends. Allies. People who support each other, even when they're terrible at it. They always try.

this is not a litigation;
Luke comes to see Janet two days after she gets out of the hospital. The only reason he holds his tongue that long is because he wants to give her time to get acclimated to her new normal. In truth, his blood's been boiling ever since he walked into George Washington University Hospital and saw her in that bed. The bruises on her face from hitting the pavement were what did it to him; Jack Ford may as well have punched her.

That's what this feels like to him—a domestic violence situation. Her father has been the direct cause of three different traumas in her life. In his line of work, they'd call that a serial offender and insist on getting him off the streets. Instead, he knows from his sources that Jack is already on a new case for the DEA while his daughter is struggling to get out of bed. Luke waits until he knows Holden isn't around, avoiding another fight with Janet's roommate because he knows he might start one with her.

"We're gonna have a conversation you're not gonna like," he says, rolling up his sleeves at the end of her bed. "It might make you hate me." Pause. "More than you already do."

"I don't hate you. I hate several things about you."

"Whatever." Luke snorts. "You need to stay the fuck away from your father. This is like a goddamn car wreck, Janet—every time you get anywhere near him, he hurts you. What happened to Adam having him arrested?"

She sighs. "I thought I could make peace with him."

"You can't make peace with a criminal narcissist."

"Not for him, for me." Janet clenches her jaw slightly as she pushes herself up on the bed before letting out a slow breath. She still can't quite take a deep one without chest pains. "I've been triggered by him since I was a teenager. I was in a great place, and I thought... I thought I could beat this and get the fear out of my head. For good."

Luke exhales. "That explains why you wanted to do it alone," he says, and watches her nod.

They've had this discussion before. She lives with a deep-seated fear of either becoming her father or his felonious reputation ruining her career. It's why Janet's integrity means so much to her and why she has to be perfect. She doesn't want any mistakes or any risks that will bring her too close to Jack's side of the line. As long as he's alive and in D.C. he will haunt her, which is why Luke has thought more than once about getting someone to have him killed.

"He is going to get you murdered," he tells Janet, slowly to emphasize every word. "He threatened your mental health and now your physical health. You could have been paralyzed or dead."

"I know that."

"Then you need to stay away from him."

Janet glances up at Luke knowing he's not saying anything she hasn't already tried. Christie had wanted her to accept her parents, so avoiding her father would mean never completing that last step of her recovery. But being hospitalized had to count as extenuating circumstances. And she didn't know if she had the emotional strength to try again; all the confidence she'd gained in the last few months from things like her promotion and her visit to Holden's parents had gone away when she woke up in the hospital. Now she's fighting just to not hate herself again.

"What do you want me to do?" she asks.

"We'll file for a TRO." Luke shakes his head. "If I can get him arrested, I will."

"Can you even represent me as a U.S. Attorney?"

"I don't care." He really doesn't. Luke cares about her too much and he's too arrogant to let any other lawyer handle her case. Maybe Kevin if there was no other choice but he doesn't want to risk anyone else fucking it up. He knows Bryan wouldn't stand in his way either.

Luke won't admit it because he's also too arrogant to give Holden credit, but he's glad that she's not living alone now. As much as he wants to punch the other man out he knows Holden won't let Jack or any of his associates or enemies get to Janet. Which is a very good thing since she can't defend herself.

"I'll get you the paperwork," he continues. "You focus on getting better and let us get revenge."

He absolutely means that word.

Luke sits back down on the bed and sees the sadness on Janet's face. He's angry; she's just trying to keep her head above water. Despite all of the drama in their relationship, there's no one he cares about more. "What are you worried about?" he asks quietly.

"That I'm not going to be okay." Janet can admit it easily. "That I won't get back to where I used to be and Holden will leave me."

"If he gives up on you, he's an idiot." Luke can't promise her that she'll be anywhere near her former self physically or emotionally. It's too early to tell. And it stings to hear her talking about someone else. But he says the only thing he can. "I'll always be here for you, Janet," he reassures her. "I know we're not together anymore, but this time you won't feel alone."

He hopes she believes him.