Assistant U.S. Attorney Luke Cameron

you'll do what you will do;
"Hey," Luke says, unable to resist greeting Janet with a hug when she turns up on his doorstep. He hasn't seen her in three weeks when he's letting her into his apartment. "How did the case go?"

"We arrested three members of the top drug cartel in Miami and they're gunning for a few more. And the only agent who got hurt was Brad, but the bullets hit his vest, so he'll be bruised for a while but he's otherwise okay." Janet chuckles but there's no humor in it. The memory of Leonpacher standing his ground against those shots will stick with her the next time she sees him. That he was that brave and that she came that close to losing him.

"And? How are you?" Luke prompts, knowing who she omitted. When she hesitates, his face softens and he knows she's not just there to catch up. "What's going on?" he asks.

"I almost killed someone."

Luke stares at Janet for a second before he ushers her toward his couch. Somehow he's never considered that; she's always been the one getting hurt, not the one who hurts somebody. He doesn't say anything until they're sitting down and she's leaning against him, his arm on the back of the couch and her head resting against his shoulder. It's probably too close for his ex-girlfriend but he doesn't care. "What do you want to tell me?" he asks because he wants her to know she doesn't owe him any explanation. Luke of all people believes the ends justify the means.

"The suspect was going to shoot Brad—actually, he did—so I shot him. I could have killed him, I wanted to kill him, but I knew we needed him alive so at the last second I dropped my aim and hit him in the leg." Janet swallows. "I've never hurt someone before."

"It sounds like he deserved it."

She nods to herself, knowing many people have already told her exactly that, including the fact that other people would have taken the kill shot while she consciously chose to spare Thomas Petrov's life. Michael had suggested that it wasn't just because they needed his information; that Janet was too good-hearted to kill someone, even when that person had been actively threatening someone she loved. "Do you think I've lost my edge?" she asks Luke. "Michael called me out while we were there. Said that just because I understand I don't have to physically fight doesn't mean I never should. That in trying to protect myself, I've gotten passive."

Luke wraps his arm around her as he thinks about their last few conversations. How Janet had been checking in with him and Michael and Holden to get their opinions rather than just acting. "I think he's right. But also, who gives a fuck what I think?" he retorts. "You walk the path that's right for you. We all knew you changing your habits was going to take some adjusting. You overcorrected, that's all. Now you do better."

Janet exhales. "It felt good," she admits. "Not the shooting but... That moment when I said I wasn't going to be afraid anymore. When I knew it was my time to take a stand. I felt alive."

"That's because you were," he tells her gently. "It's the same feeling I get when I have a defendant nailed on cross. You live to make a difference. Changing other people's lives validates yours." He snaps his fingers to signify it—that impulse that separates them from the rest, even from their own friends. They both need to actively be doing something to solve a problem. Sitting behind a desk or on the phone doesn't give them the same satisfaction. That's why he'd constantly been pushing Janet since she was shot the second time. He knew she wouldn't be happy unless she was fighting for something. "You did what you needed to do," he adds. "You're just uncomfortable with it because you think you should be."

The Janet Ford of five years ago wouldn't have regretted pulling the trigger. She hadn't hesitated getting out of the car at First National to physically defend innocent people. It was just part of the job to her. But that was when Janet only saw herself at work, and now when she had this idea of wanting to be a perfect wife and mother instead of a perfect FBI agent, she was trying to live up to that instead. It was easy for Luke to see why she'd ended up on his doorstep. She knew he'd understand those old instincts wanting to come out again because he had the same ones.

"How's Brad? Other than the bruises," he corrects himself, going back to their original conversation. "Is he good?"

"I think so. He needs some time to recharge; he said something about taking a vacation. But he was in good spirits when I left him. I'm just going to wait for him to call me." Janet trusts that Brad will reach out when he's ready to talk. She's also certainly not going to tell Luke about what they said on the beach because Luke is only going to be jealous over her saying she loves someone else. It's taken him long enough to stop being petty with Holden. Things with Luke will never not be complicated, but the side effect of that is that she can be angry and hurt and maybe a little self-satisfied and he doesn't give a fuck.

"Then you accomplished what you went out there for. You took care of him and you didn't start trying to bring down an entire drug cartel. You had to get your hands dirty, but you stuck to the plan." Which is the real accomplishment since previous Janet would also have been trying to protect everyone by arresting as many bad guys as possible. He glances down at her. "What'd Holden say?"

"He's glad I'm okay. I think he's tired of me being in situations where guns are involved, but he knows I was saving my friend. The same way that he saved me." She swallows roughly and Luke tenses just thinking about the Dexter Vincent case. He would have liked to shoot the man himself and he's still pissed that it came to that. Not to mention scared that he could have lost his best friend while he was on the other side of the building watching a media scrum. He has to take a moment to let those emotions pass before he speaks again. "If he's not upset with you," he says, "then why are you?"

"Because I've never gone that far. Because I liked that feeling."

"You made a life-saving decision. And you don't have to apologize for how you feel." Luke's tone gets more emphatic now because he and Janet have had far too many conversations since their last breakup about their feelings and how they hadn't been emotionally truthful with each other. "Your fight is what makes you who you are. It doesn't always mean bleeding for it, but you need to fucking trust yourself and not rely on me or Holden or Michael or anyone else to tell you that you're right. You know you're right. Michael called you out because he wants you to understand that you're the best judge of what's too far or not. If you didn't know what to do, you probably would've killed that guy."

It would've been the easier decision. It was certainly her first instinct. But Janet's choice to fire a non-fatal shot was about more than that moment. More than just stopping the bad guy or her wanting to save Brad and maybe hurt someone who'd killed several people. She'd picked the best answer and not just the one she'd wanted. Had he been in that position, he wouldn't have had that kind of foresight. Michael was right to say what he had, and Luke is willing to bet Holden has told Janet not to worry about him, too.

"You're a hero, Janet," he tells her. "I know you don't want to hear it, but you are."

She would be one several times over in his book. Her actions had directly saved multiple lives in the last five years and she had just added one more to her resume. Janet never took the credit, though, which was one of the things she and Luke saw differently. He watches her take a deep breath and process his words and the way he's said them. That sharpness to his voice he hasn't used on her since he told her he was getting the restraining order against her father. This isn't a discussion anymore. "Thank you, Luke," she says quietly. "I knew I could count on you to give me my edge back."

"I don't think you ever lost it." He smiles slightly. "I think it was just hiding." That makes her laugh and he adds, "I just ordered Chinese before you showed up. You want to stay for dinner?"

"Sure, I'd like that." Janet nods and straightens. Holden won't be home for another hour and unlike awhile ago she knows he won't mind if she tells him she was out with Luke before he gets there. "You can tell me everything I missed in the last few weeks," she says, which makes him laugh out loud. "You do not want to know," he says. But he'll tell her anyway, because that's what they do, is talk about their victories and their defeats. They've been friends for over a decade because they can have conversations. It's only the ones not about work that they're terrible with.

Luke doesn't acknowledge it when Janet kisses him on the cheek before he gets up to get the food. All that's important to him is that she felt she could come to him not once but twice when things got hard for her, and that she's going to be okay. He's glad to see the Janet he knows back in action.