usattorney | through the hourglass, i saw you (Reply)

through the hourglass, i saw you;
Luke steps out of the bar as soon as he sees the text from Janet: Can we talk?

She's been gone for a few days in Miami, and he hadn't known the details; he'd assumed that she was just off on another trip to see her new friend Brad. But clearly that's not the case if she's reaching out to him when most people are heading home for the night. He doesn't hesitate in walking to his car and calling her back right away, loosening his tie a little more as he waits for her to pick up. "What's going on?" he asks when she does. "Are you okay?"

"No. I mean, I don't know," she stumbles.

"Talk to me."

"This case is... It's getting out of control." Janet sighs, leaning up against the hotel balcony and looking out at the lights of Miami. At least Michael hadn't woken up when she slipped out of their room. "It was just supposed to be some paperwork. I mean, it was. We're looking into a rehab facility that it turns out has cartel connections. They're funneling money and drugs into the cartel by ordering treatments and medications the patients don't need, then billing the families for whatever the insurance doesn't cover. Essentially using these people as human revenue streams."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Luke says in total disbelief.

"I wish I was," Janet replies. It's one of the more morally bankrupt things she's seen in a while. "Brad is going after the cartel. He wants everybody involved," she adds. That doesn't surprise Luke. No one in their line of work would want any criminal left on the streets if they could help it. "I know he can do it, I'm just worried that... That we won't recognize ourselves by the end of it. He's already tried to tell me to get the hell out."

"And you refused to go." He knows why she's calling him. He knows what it's like to be relentlessly single-minded. He slays giants, as the ring on his right hand reminds him. Luke twists it on his finger while he thinks. There's no way that Brad can take down an entire drug cartel; the question is how far will he go before he decides to stop. At least he'd had the presence of mind to warn Janet. Luke had almost never done that, leaving her to deal with his moods, his crusades and the fallout. "How well do you know this guy?" he asks, since he's only met the other man once and even then they hadn't interacted that often. "Are you worried about him, or are you worried about you?"

"Both." She admits. "Wexler wasn't the first case I've worked with him. He's brilliant, but I don't want him turning into me. Doing something risky that gets him hurt. And I... I promised Holden I wouldn't do this," she continues, her voice breaking slightly. "I told him I was done putting myself in bad situations. But I can't leave a friend of mine in this kind of trouble."

"I know. I don't think Holden would expect you to," Luke reassures her. As little as he understands about Holden Ford, he seems like a pretty loyal guy, and Luke doubts Holden would be mad at her for wanting to make sure her friend was safe, even if it came with some risk to Janet. He takes a deep breath because the real fear is that something happens to her. Janet had gotten a lot of her confidence back working with the BSU and then on the Wexler case, but she was still struggling with facing her own mortality. Being focused on her work had at least come with a certain self-righteousness that had gone away once she'd let down her guard. "I can't make it any less frightening, but Janet, you can do this," he tells her. "You've taken on some pretty big cases, and you've won. You just helped bust a human trafficking ring less than a year ago. And if it gets over your head, you know when to get out. I'm pretty sure Brad knows, too, or he wouldn't have warned you. You have help there. Use it."

She nods. That's why they're having this conversation. Janet and Luke had always been able to reach out to each other when their confidence wavered. Usually their pep talks took place in the atrium of the courthouse but one of them could always text and ask for a kick in the ass. Luke didn't know her as well as Holden or Michael, but he knew being driven and what it took to satisfy that competitive voice in his head. It was that shared commitment that had originally brought them together. "Do you think less of me?" she asks after a moment. "Because I don't want to be in these kinds of situations anymore."

"No. Of course not, Janet, don't think that," he says with emphasis so she knows he means it. "Most people don't want to be in situations that threaten their well-being. The fact that you ran toward them for so many years is admirable. But you're the exception, not the rule. You've been through more shit than most agents will in their whole careers. The fact that you want a break is not a character flaw." A pause. "And the fact that I'm still doing this is... It's because this is what I'm supposed to do. You have another option. I haven't figured mine out yet."

Luke stares up at the ceiling of his BMW for a moment, thinking. He understands why Janet wouldn't want to leave (she'd never abandon a friend in any kind of need) and why Brad would tell her to go (he doesn't want her getting hurt again). But with all that they've been through, he also understands the situation for what it actually is, which is not just the case but the emotional stakes underneath. He's always been terrible with emotions and wants to make sure he gets the next words out right.

"This is about you pulling him back from the brink," he tells her. "He doesn't need another agent. He doesn't need your expertise. The reason you're involved is because he needs a friend, and I'm guessing you're the one he trusts most with his feelings. Letting you stay is admitting he needs help. Just stay focused on that and don't try to be some kind of superwoman, solving everyone's problems. I know that's gonna hurt," and that part might come out somewhat snarky because he knows Janet's self-sacrificing flaw, "but if you do that, you'll be okay."

"All right." Janet takes a deep breath. It's a constant struggle for her to protect herself instead of someone else but she hopes that the more she does it, the more she'll get better at it. Or maybe that's just what she tells herself to stop from second-guessing herself. "Thanks, Luke," she says. "I just... wanted to make sure that I do the right thing."

"You are." He smiles to himself, able to say that without hesitation. Janet is much more a people person than she gives herself credit for. Certainly better than he is. "Take care of yourself, Janet. And call me again if you need to." He says his goodbye and lets out a slow breath thinking about whatever she's about to get herself into. He's concerned about her, but he also knows she can handle it. He's more touched that she thought to call him when she needed to hear it.