truth you know we all want to hide

[usattorney]

truth you know we all want to hide;
Luke would have been happy never speaking to Carissa Ford. And after what he says to her when their paths cross inside the courtroom, he's fairly sure he never will again.

It's the day Kevin has been forced to put Jack Ford on the stand. Janet is gone, his best friend having kept his promise that she wouldn't have to interact with or even see her father. But for some reason, Jack's ex-wife lets herself into the mostly empty gallery, like she wants to watch the world burn. Luke is ruing the fact that he showed up too early. He gives her one glance—enough to recognize her face—but he can hear the message she leaves. Threatening her ex-husband with bodily harm if he doesn't show up because he's already "ruined our daughter."

Luke should shut up. He has a tendency to pick fights, and he gets irrational when it comes to Janet. He's aware of that shortcoming. But that comment doesn't sit right with him. Maybe it's because he knows it's something Janet would say about herself. Maybe it's because he's thinking of how she told him to fight for her on the day they broke up. But he's going to fight for her.

"Janet's not ruined," he says, loud enough to be heard.

"Excuse me?" Carissa gives her a look. "You don't know my daughter."

"I do know your daughter. I dated her for five and a half years." Luke isn't thinking that he's just blown Janet's cover by revealing their relationship. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and stares at her mother. "She's hurt, she's not dead. She's definitely not ruined. And if you were a real mother, you'd be caring about her and not her sad excuse for a father."

Her eyes narrow and he knows he's touched a nerve. "Don't talk about my parenting," Carissa warns him. "Janet is two months out of the hospital after being nearly paralyzed. If she didn't die choking on her own blood. And that's because she was with my ex-husband, so the least he can do is show up to make sure the person who did it goes to prison."

"I'm not disputing that." Luke shakes his head. "My problem is you talking about her like a defective piece of merchandise. Did you come to see her in the hospital? Have you been to a single therapy appointment? Or even called to see how she's doing? If not, then you're part of the problem."

"Janet knows I can get her anything she needs."

"That's not the point!" He surprises himself with the volume of his own voice. Maybe it's all of his frustrations at all the times he should have said things like this finally coming out. "We can get whatever help she needs. The Bureau's making sure she's taken care of. What she needs is emotional support. People to remind her she's loved and get her thinking about things other than how much pain she's in. A relationship isn't just about showing up. It's about being there emotionally."

If he had a therapist, he'd be calling them about now. Maybe he should get one. Maybe he should ask Janet for Christie's number.

Finally saying that to himself makes Luke momentarily speechless and Carissa is sizing him up. This is the first time she's ever seen him and she's not shy about judging him. Unfortunately for both of them, Luke's ego means he doesn't take it well when she says, "You know a lot about what's best for my daughter for someone she broke up with."

Now Luke knows how Holden feels. Understanding everything that went into his and Janet's break up and not wanting to talk about any of it. He finds himself twisting the Georgetown ring on his finger to keep from blurting out something he shouldn't. "It was a mutual decision," he says. "I know because I've been with her when things were difficult before."

"I'm sure you didn't cause any of that."

If Carissa was a man, Luke would deck her. But she isn't, so he just shifts his jaw and refuses to rise to the bait. "It's really not any of your business," he replies. "You need to be calling your daughter. Let the U.S. Attorney worry about Jack. Even if she doesn't want to talk to you, calling at least shows that you care."

He's absolutely sure Janet won't pick up the phone. He's just looking for a polite way out of this conversation. When she nods, Luke goes back to his seat to pick up his bag, and heads for the other door out of the courtroom. As soon as it shuts behind him, he pulls his phone out again and sends his ex-girlfriend a text.

Your mom's a bitch and your dad's a narcissist. How didn't you turn out crazy?

Making her laugh is better than making himself explode. Janet will chuckle and she'll insult him by saying something like she was crazy to date him all these years, and that's fine. He can deal with that. What he can't put up with is dealing with her mother ever again.