this is not a one night stand

this is not a one night stand;
"I thought I'd find you here."

Luke glances up, surprised to see Janet standing beside him at the bar. Genuinely surprised; he knows she spends most of her time at Quantico now so she's not always around, and he figures he's dropped down her social list since their latest breakup. But rather than say that he replies, "You could've just texted me and asked where I was."

"I'm not here because I need something." Janet shakes her head with a soft chuckle, knowing it's in Luke's nature to be so brusque. It's not something she noticed as much until she started living with someone who listened before he spoke. "I haven't seen you in a few weeks, so I wanted to see how you've been doing."

He shifts on the barstool so he's facing her, giving her his full attention. There's something awkward and slightly sordid about the question. He can count the number of times he's asked how she's doing on one hand, and knowing that her roommate doesn't like him makes it feel like they have to hide their friendship. It hasn't escaped either of them that now they only socialize together when Holden isn't around. So what does he want to say to her? Does he want to tell her everything or just what she can handle?

"I'm all right," he says with a sigh. "I'm just tired. Thinking about getting out of town for awhile."

"Leaving D.C.?" Janet's surprised. Luke isn't like anyone else; he doesn't have someone to go on vacation with, and even on holidays, he prefers to fly his family to Washington rather than have to spend a minute in Iowa. He likes the high life, so for him to contemplate being anywhere else is abnormal. "Why? Where would you go?"

"I don't know. Florida, maybe? Go do a bunch of tourist bullshit?" Luke says it with a laugh because he truly doesn't have a clue. The smile fades though as he continues. "I'm not sure. There's been so much going on recently. I've worked on eight major cases in the last two months. Kevin and I have been arguing a lot. I could have lost you again. It feels like if I'm going to take a break, now is the time."

"How many of those cases did you get convictions on?"

"Seven." He can tell her immediately and with a knowing smirk.

"Then I'd say this would be a bad time to take a break."

Luke leans back against the bar. "Life's not measured by clearance rate," he replies. "You taught me that." Not directly, because Janet's always measured herself by the percentage of cases she and Michael close; they solved 94 percent of their cases last year. But seeing the way she's changed, how she tried to start a new relationship and decided she wants a family, has got him understanding that there's more out there.

It doesn't necessarily mean he wants that or even thinks he's going to get it. But he understands that his life is not just a win-loss record.

He reaches out and takes her free hand, tugging gently to coerce her to sit down on the open barstool next to him. These moments when he gets to talk to her at length are few and far between, and for months they've only been about her shooting and the trial and work. He's trying to open up to her about all the other things he didn't realize she wanted to hear, even if he's a year or so too late.

"I might just clear my head," he continues. "Figure out what my next move is going to be. Realistically, everything's been pretty much the same for a long time now. I think I need to find a new goal and something else to go after."

"Oh, you mean like me and working in the BSU." Janet smiles knowingly. She knows it's a temporary assignment; Holden probably wouldn't want to be stuck with her permanently when he already sees her at home and at lunch, and he'd also tell her that her calling is in financial crimes. "If you think it'll help, then clear your desk and do it. Just call me because I want to know where you end up."

"Like when I interrupted your trip to Disneyland?" he points out.

"Yeah, exactly like that." Janet chuckles. "You'll be okay, Luke. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for the part what happened to me played in your stress."

"You have to stop apologizing." Luke reminds her. He knows she's genuinely sorry, and he can't deny that much of his emotional space has been spent on her recently, whether it's working to bring her shooter to justice or trying to keep her safe. But he's not going to have her thinking that's her fault. "Thank you for caring about me, though. I know it hasn't exactly been easy, with your ex... and how I can be a pain in the ass sometimes."

"I don't just care about people when it's easy." She glances over at him. "Call me if you need anything. We're always going to be friends."

Luke wants to believe that's true. His inner cynic tells him that either her relationship with Holden will continue to push them apart, intentionally or not, or he'll do something to fuck it up the same way he screwed up their relationship. But he knows Janet will stand by him as much as she can, which is exactly why he's done the same for her. Luke doesn't care about many people and he's holding them all tighter now.

"We should probably call it a night," he says, finally breaking their eye contact to grab his jacket off the bar. "I have to drive and you should get home before he starts looking for you." A pause after he settles his tab and she carefully gets up. "But... thanks for caring enough to come looking for me."

Janet smiles at him. "That's why I didn't text," she explains, and lets him walk her to the door.