love and lie

[usattorney]

love and lie;
Five years from now, Luke is surprised to see Janet coming toward him at her wedding reception. He'd assumed she was walking past him to talk to Michael or Holden. But she's holding out her hand to him and smiling. "Come on," she says, so he takes her hand and his beer and walks with her to the other side of the roof.

"Is this where you tell me I shouldn't have come?" he says wryly, although he still hasn't let go of her hand. Janet scoffs. "Do you think I'd have invited you if I didn't want you to be here?" she points out. Luke can't argue that point so he responds with, "I almost didn't show up. I didn't want to ruin your wedding day and I wasn't sure Holden wouldn't punch me."

Janet chuckles humorlessly. Holden isn't the type of person to hit anyone. But that's why they're having this conversation. She hadn't been sure Luke was going to show up either; although their friendship is much stronger now, it was still having to watch his ex-girlfriend get married to someone else. The woman he had genuinely proposed to eleven years ago, even if he was drunk and it was Las Vegas. She wouldn't have blamed him if it was too much. But he'd made it to the Museum of Natural History anyway, even if she wonders if the black suit and tie were a subconscious choice. She wants him to know she hears his feelings. It feels important to acknowledge that chapter of their lives is officially closed, even if it's unofficially been that way for a while, and to make Luke feel supported after he went so clearly out of his comfort zone for her.

"I have you to thank for this," Janet tells him after a moment. Luke's eyes widen just slightly as he folds his arms on the railing. "Why on Earth would you say that?" he asks, because he can't see what he has to do with her and Holden's relationship except for that argument they had over him.

"Because you gave me the strength to be here." She says it factually while she looks out at the sun that's just starting to set over D.C. "When you broke up with me... the last time," she continues, "you gave me the courage to go after Holden. I was scared, and maybe a little upset at how you and I weren't able to make things work, but mostly scared. You had the foresight to get us out of that self-destructive pattern and do what was best for us. I never would have acted on my feelings if you hadn't explained to me that we needed to walk away. That it was okay to let go."

Luke nods, taking a deep breath as his mind automatically pulls him back to their break up. It had been eviscerating to know that the best thing they could do was not do anything, after all the fighting and clawing they'd done to hold their relationship together. But he had never once doubted his decision. If a defense attorney or the media hadn't ruined Janet's life, he might have done it lashing out at anyone who said anything about her. Luke may not be the most upstanding person, but he was viciously loyal. He had to break it off, because Janet would have stayed out of her own misguided loyalty. She cared so deeply about him and that affection still sometimes left him in awe.

"I guess I'm glad I could do that for you," he says. He can't be totally glad about it knowing everything it cost him. But he's happy that she's happy. "You deserve all this, Janet. All the stuff we talked about and never actually did," he adds with a chuckle.

"There's still time. You're younger than me," Janet reminds him. "How's everything after that big fight you had with Bryan?"

"Ah, I don't know if it was a fight so much as it was me yelling at my own boss." Luke replies. Anyone else would have been fired for that confrontation but not him. Not when he'd finally blown up on Bryan Alexander and reiterated in no uncertain terms that he didn't want to be the next U.S. Attorney and that Bryan had better find somebody else. Luke didn't want to be taken out of the courtroom. It was what he loved and the one place he knew unequivocally who he was. "Everything seems like it's fine. I don't know if it's sunk in for him yet, but I can't control him. All I can control is myself."

Janet smiles because she knows that's a big sentence for Luke to say. He's always wanted to be in control of every situation. "Everything's going to be fine," she assures him, putting an encouraging hand on his back. "Come on. We should get inside to the rest of the reception."

"You should get back to your husband," he teases as they turn away from the railing. "People aren't here to see me." But he's smiling when he says it. "You bought us a blender, didn't you?" she replies and he whistles innocently because of course she already picked up on the joke. The moment has passed, the page is offically turned, and now they can move into the rest of their lives together without thinking about what came before.