usattorney | as long as we got love

[ after this ]

Luke calls Janet as soon as he gets out of court and sees her text that Adam Lydon's baby has arrived. "You guys still at the hospital?" he asks, walking to his car. "No, we're giving them a break," she replies. "Dana's resting and Michael's making sure that her parents have a hotel when they get into town." Luke chuckles because that's such a Michael Davis thing to do. He's incredibly conscientious, which is one of the many reasons why he's held in such high regard.

"I'll come by and see the baby tomorrow when things have settled down," he says. Which is a typical Luke Cameron thing to do. Stay out of the way until the initial chaos has passed even if your ex-girlfriend is hoping that you're going to be there. "You want to get a drink tonight?" he suggests while tossing his briefcase on the passenger seat of his BMW, suddenly reminded of that. He's in his forties now and his emotional intelligence hasn't improved all that much, though not for lack of trying.

Offering to spend some time with her on a day that might also be emotional for her is trying. Even if it takes Janet a moment to realize why he's asking, because she's totally focused on being happy for Adam and not thinking about herself. Or them. "Sure, if you're not busy," she says. "I'll make time for you," he reassures her, pulling out of the garage. All he has to do is make his way back to the U.S. Attorney's Office to tie up loose ends and get his things. "So how's the kid?"

"Healthy and adorable. Adam already thinks Alex looks like him," Janet replies. "I'm just glad to see him so happy." She's seen enough broken families. Luke and Tayshia are the two people she knows who have healthy relationships with their parents. They deserve to do better than they were raised. "Yeah, me too," Luke agrees, hearing the wistful tone in Janet's voice. "I'll text you an address when I get back."

That address turns out to be for All Souls Bar in the Shaw neighborhood. It's quiet and it's out of both their way but Luke was looking for that in case they decide to have another one of those hard conversations they don't want overheard by anyone who actually knows them. He calls ahead and reserves an outdoor table in the far corner, standing when Janet crosses the courtyard. "You look good," he tells her as they briefly hug. "Please," she chuckles. "I was at the hospital and then running errands. What were you doing working on a Sunday?"

"How did you know I was working?"

"You're wearing a suit and tie," she points out. "Or are you just doing that all the time now?"

He chuckles, knowing he's been caught out. "I had to go down to try and find some old paperwork," he replies. "I wanted to look the part." So no one gave him any unnecessary grief and just in case any other lawyers ran across him. Janet knows how Luke always has to project a sharp image. "But this isn't about me," he adds before she can ask him for case details, glad that the waiter shows up to take their drink orders. "How are you feeling right now?"

"I'm good. Really. I hadn't even thought about it until you called," Janet admits and watches Luke wince. She touches his hand with hers to ensure him it's okay. "I'm happy for them. He's going to be such a good father. I'd like to start a family someday, but it'll happen when it happens. Ours just wasn't meant to be."

"Yeah." Luke knocks back a drink of his scotch. He took the loss of Madeline harder than he expected. At first he was just shocked and pissed off at Janet for not telling him she was pregnant. But once that initial reaction passed he started thinking about himself as a father. Started realizing it was something he missed. He's not sure he wants kids, but he also isn't against it anymore. And he carries Madeline with him—literally, the one photo of Janet's sonogram is in his wallet—as a reminder that he can be a better man. "I still think about her. She would have changed everything."

"Absolutely. We were such a mess, though," Janet concedes. "We'd have gotten our shit together for her sake, but having a daughter wouldn't have erased all our issues. We know we don't work like that."

"I wish it hadn't taken us so long to figure that out."

"I'm not." Janet replies, taking a drink of her martini. "You'll laugh at me for this, but I feel like every experience I've had, even the difficult ones, is part of my process. We finally owned up to our shit because of Madeline. That was the gift she gave to us." Maybe she was looking for a silver lining in the worst of situations, but she and Luke hadn't had it completely out until their conversation after her shooting. And it hadn't been about her being shot, as painful as that was; it had been about their shared loss. That argument had been the first step in clarifying their relationship after so many years of frustrating each other. Luke nods, never having thought about it that way, but he can't resist teasing her anyway, maybe just to make them both laugh. "You're such an optimist," he says.

"I've been trying that on the last couple of years. It's better for me," Janet says. She's always been an idealist, but it's been with a healthy dose of realism. Wanting the best and working her ass off for it yet expecting reality to hit her in the face. Allowing herself to have a little more faith has led to a lot less stress. "It's okay, Luke. We're talking about something that happened a decade ago. We're allowed to move on. But if you need to talk, I'll listen."

He shakes his head. He's not going to drag her down with his thoughts when she's in a good place, even though he knows she'll be there for him. "I just wanted to be sure you're okay," he replies. "I wasn't sure if you'd remember, and I didn't want you to think I forgot again."

"You can't forget what I never told you."

Luke understands the point and chooses for once not to argue it. There is nothing gained from rehashing the past, and he didn't come here to fight. "Let's talk about something else then," he says. "Tell me what's going on with you and Holden. You two have any big plans?"

It's a question that throws her because even this long after their breakup Janet is not used to Luke asking about Holden. He'll ask after her boyfriend when it's relevant, but for the most part, no one's ex wants to hear about their current relationship. "Not for a little while," she says. "I'll probably be working some extra hours just like he does. Since Adam is obviously not coming to work for a while!"

"Yeah, no shit, he'd better not," Luke agrees, sharing in Janet's laugh. He knows Adam Lydon well enough to know the other man is taking his paternity leave immediately. He's not the type to try and work from home. He and Janet are exactly that type of person. "Do they need anything?"

"I don't think so, but I'll let you know." She raises her glass in his direction. "Today is a good day, Luke. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Luke knows she means him just as much as anyone else. He lifts his glass to toast with her, and decides that he's going to enjoy the night before she goes home to Holden. To just be in the moment, the one right here and the one for their friends, and not the one that happened ten years ago. He can choose to be happy.