tell me what you see
Oct. 19th, 2022 03:54 amtell me what you see;
Unlike Michael, Luke doesn't come into work the day after the Wallace case. He leaves a stack of detailed notes on Kevin's desk for him to find in the morning and that's his only presence because he knows Bryan is pissed at him and the wound needs time to heal. Pat's surprised that Luke is MIA but takes it in stride and runs the team while Luke sits around his apartment until Janet shows up at his door. "I was wondering how long it would take you," he tells her, and walks with her to Georgetown Waterfront Park.
"I don't know whether I should yell at you or not," she says simply when they're standing looking out at the river. Luke doesn't doubt that Janet now knows every detail of what happened during the case. Whatever she didn't keep up with through the news she's either learned from Michael or from her instinctive need to grab the file and read it as soon as she got into the office this morning. "You can do both," Luke tells her. "Not the first time you've argued with me, but I'm also not in the mood."
That last phrase is a red flag for Janet because Luke is always ready for an argument. But she pushes past that for now to say what she needs to. "What the hell were you thinking?" she asks him. "Telling Michael to get confrontational with her? You know he's not comfortable being openly aggressive with suspects and you've no right to push him into something he's not comfortable with. It needed to be his decision."
"And he was never going to make it," Luke retorts. "She deserved it, Janet. The only way she was going to get it was if Michael showed her she needed to be afraid of him. And he deserved the chance to say all the shit that was going through his head. He was just too gentlemanly to get it out. But sometimes you can't be a gentleman. He needed to stand up for himself and you weren't there to help him."
He means because Janet wouldn't have hesitated to tear into Melissa. But to Janet it's a reminder of the talk she's just had with her partner. Michael telling her that if she'd been there he would have leaned on her to do the things he was afraid of instead of doing them himself. The knowledge that Luke is right makes her stop criticizing. "He shouldn't turn into someone he doesn't want to be," she leaves it at that.
"You mean turn into me?" Luke replies. "It's okay, you're not the only one pissed at me."
"I didn't mean that," Janet corrects even though there are certain qualities of Luke's that she definitely doesn't want Michael to inherit. But now that he's opened the door she puts the sentence together with the phrase from earlier and his casual clothes—jeans, sneakers and one of his favorite sweaters—and asks the question. "Why didn't you go into work today?" she says.
"Bryan and I had a fight." He exhales. "Or it wasn't so much a fight as him calling me out and me telling him to live with it."
He knows she's going to ask why, so he takes a breath and looks out at the river line before he continues. "I didn't tell Bryan about the blackmail material," he says, turning back to face her. "I kept it quiet to protect both of us but he feels like I betrayed him."
Janet nods as she processes the scenario in her mind. Had she been in Luke's position she doesn't know what she would have done. But she trusts Luke's professional judgment. In fact it's because he's so detached from everything that his personal sense is so flawed. But his decision to step away is another indicator of how he's grown in recent years. "You're doing the right thing, giving him space," she assures him. "You said your piece and he said his. He'll come around."
"I know he will." Luke knows one moment won't erase Bryan's belief in him. He just can't shake the sadness at hurting someone who's looked up to him so highly, even if he doesn't regret it. And he hopes he hasn't done permanent damage to their friendship, like how he hurt Janet during their relationship. He pushes that scenario out of his mind before it can take hold. "How are you?" he asks. "I'm sure you have thoughts on all this."
"Wishing I had been here, but doing better about feeling guilty about it," she tells him. She often needed reinforcement to get the message and hearing it from Michael and later Brad had affirmed to her that she couldn't have made the case any better. Given what she knows now, she'd likely have made it worse. "I'm thankful you were here for him, Luke. I know it was difficult for you, but he didn't deserve to face this alone."
"I care about him." Luke shakes his head. "Michael and I have never been great friends, but I've always considered him a friend and I know he does the same for me. Even when he couldn't stand me." His eyes meet hers and she can see that steely resolve again. "I did whatever it took to make sure he got justice. For the victim and for himself."
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"I will be by tomorrow." He can't stay out of the office for long. Even if he didn't have junior attorneys to supervise, Luke is too focused on his work to stay away. It's how he defines himself. At least through all of this, Michael and now Janet have started to convince him it's not all he has. "I'm glad you came by," he says to her as he turns to head back inside. "Got me out of my own mind for a while."
"I'm always here for that," Janet assures him. It's not as if she doesn't understand what that feels like. While she came here to tell Luke off about Michael, she also cares about him.