the world you've let down

the world you've let down;
When Luke returns to work two days after the press conference, the first thing he does is report to Bryan's office. He doesn't want the whole day to feel awkward with the two of them circling each other while everyone else knows it's awkward. And he knows the only way to bury the hatchet is to make sure he and his boss are on the same page, even if it means having it out again.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm back," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets. "And see if there's anything else you needed to say to me." Take whatever shots you need to take, because I'm still not apologizing.

"I thought we pretty well said it before." Bryan leans back in his chair. "You made a decision that we both have to live with. I just don't understand why you didn't trust me enough to tell me there was something going on."

"It wasn't about trusting you." Luke shakes his head. "I didn't tell anyone to protect my case and keep from creating a fucking nuclear situation. I do understand that I could've said I couldn't tell you, but would that have made you feel any better?"

"I don't know. Maybe." The U.S. Attorney can concede that. As much as he would have appreciated the courtesy he would have also wondered what was so important that Luke was firewalling him. "I've always had your back. Even when you were going through all that stuff with Janet," he continues. "But when it turned the other way and it might involve me, you left me out."

"I did what I had to do. But I'm sorry you got hurt," Luke adds, because he is.

He and Bryan have never been friends in the sense that they don't socialize together unless it's one of the many parties or functions Bryan has dragged Luke to. Even that he stopped doing once it turned Luke into a witness to a crime. They don't just go out for drinks and they don't talk often about their personal lives. But they do have a professional friendship and Luke knows he wouldn't want to work anywhere else. He doesn't feel guilt over the choice he made but he also doesn't want Bryan to think he didn't matter.

His boss regards him for a moment before he exhales. "If I were in your position, I wouldn't have done the same thing," he states calmly. There's no need to mince words. "But I understand why you're not me."

"Do you really?"

"Maybe that's the real problem here and this is just the symptom. I've been wanting you to follow my path and you've never been shy about telling me that's not you." Bryan nods toward the open chair to indicate that Luke should sit down. If they're going to have a conversation, it may as well be that one. The talk they've never had despite Luke being repeatedly clear about where the line was. "You asked me once why I like you, and do you remember what I said?"

"That you wanted somebody who was going to push this office."

"That's why I want you to be U.S. Attorney. I don't want someone who's going to play the political games, Luke. I do that because it's what I have to do to keep people like Mark and Melissa Wallace off our backs and because it's what's going to get me ahead." Bryan's ambitions were well-known by now. "But I get that you don't want to do that. If you really don't want the added responsibilities... then I'm okay with looking for another successor."

For some reason, that hits Luke harder than he expected it would. He's never wanted the top job and has said it repeatedly yet it still feels like a slap in the face to have it taken away from him. Like he's being punished for doing what he knows was the right thing. "It's not that I'm not responsible," he replies with a bit of a frustrated edge to his voice. "I don't want to be concerned with politics and optics and other bullshit. I want to try cases and put criminals in prison. That's what I'm best at." He was even fairly hands-off with his team, preferring to focus on prosecutions rather than being that interested in giving orders and having meetings. Luckily, no one around him seemed to mind.

"I know you are. You're the best lawyer we have."

"Then why are you talking to me like I'm not?" It's a full-blown snap that comes out of Luke then but he can't suppress his anger. Being the best means everything to him with how he defines himself through his work.

Bryan is taken aback by the tone and the perturbed look in Luke's eyes but doesn't react to it. It's not as if he's unaware of the pressures Luke puts on himself and how the younger man is usually around the office. "I'm not criticizing you," he says in return. "I have a tremendous respect for who you are. I'm trying not to make you someone you don't want to be."

The phrasing hits Luke because it's exactly how Janet had admonished him for handling Michael. He shouldn't turn into someone he doesn't want to be. And she was right, even though so was he, so the sentence makes him pause. He sighs, running a hand through his hair and eyeing the floor. "Let me think about it," he mutters.

"Take all the time you need."

"I need you to tell me we're okay," Luke replies, lifting his gaze to look his boss in the eye.

"We're okay," Bryan affirms because he knows they'll agree to disagree on this. It's not the first time Luke has battled someone in his own office and that's a good thing; it means that they have different points of view instead of a company line. That just leads to bruised egos now and again. He had also noticed Luke being absent from work the day before and understood that meant he was also genuinely hurt by the way things had unfolded. He didn't want that for either of them.

"Okay. Good." Luke nods and pushes himself to his feet. "I need to catch up with Pat and make sure he and Johanna are ready for trial." Because the longer he stays in this vulnerable state, the more uncomfortable he gets and the more likely he is to lash out again.

"I think Ritter has some stuff for you to look over, too." Bryan pauses. "You did good, Luke," he says, wanting that to be explicitly clear. "You helped deliver a major arrest and I know how difficult that was for you to pull off. Not just with your workload. I see that and I care about it."

"I know you do." Luke replies. "And I appreciate that. Other bosses might've not even let me try. But I had to try."

"You didn't just try. You succeeded." Bryan nods toward the door. "Go on, get back to work before we start wanting to break out the hard liquor." It's meant simply to make Luke laugh and give him a way out of the conversation. He watches his would-be successor walk out the door with something to think about. Luke Cameron is the best pure lawyer he's ever seen, but if Luke isn't going to take his seat someday, who's it going to be?